tryin to strike a sexy pose, but cannot make it..And why do I look better in my pre-make up pictures than this one 

yumin in my room..looking oh so sweet in pink 

me and my messy wardrobe...my attire to work...quite alright,isnt it? 

Phew, managed to get through work despite having only 3 hrs of sleep. It was tough, and I had to wake myself up from my reverie quite a number of times. Zouk wasn't as fun as I thought as it was damn crowded. Add that to the fact that I had to go back to my house 2 times. The first time, I forgot to bring my keys, but as I was only downstairs, all I had to do was wake my maid up to let me in(mom was out..when the cat is out, the mice come out to play...haha)..And the second time, I was at the entrance of Zouk and the freaking bouncer did not let me in cos I had forgotten to bring my IC, as if I look underage. Thus I had to rush back home to take, but we took a cab as I was tired out from all the walking,before the party had even begun. When we finally reached Zouk, it was 11 already and starting to be packed. We queued up for 20mins before we got our drink which was a shot of butterscotch schnapp, yes, I am seriously addicted to the stuff, its really really nice. But all it did was give me a pleasant buzz, I didnt even feel high, seriously. We spent another hour and hour queuing up for another drink while the one-for-one promo was still on, but by the time I got to order, it was past 12 and sigh, we had to pay the normal price and all the queuing up had quite sapped my happiness, in fact, I was feeling distinctly grumpy. One incident was that I tapped the shoulders of a arts year 2 guywho was in arts camp hoping that he would recognize us and be friendly and as he was at the front of the queue, help us to get the drinks. But he 'daoed ' me when I tapped him, making me flush with anger and embarrassement that comes from being ignored. That's it, he is on my blacklist forever. The lychee martini tasted non-alcoholic...

It was past 12 when we finally hit the dance floor and from there, we kept getting jostled,stepped on and pushed. However, I developed my own defence mechanism and stomped vehemently on whoever stepped on me, so glad I wore heels. There was barely space to move around, yet there was this irritating group consisting of a short ugly angmoh, a toot chinese tubby balding man and two women who were definitely past the stereotyped age of clubbing who were dancing all over each other and occupying a lot of space and kept banging into us..Yumin and I kept rolling our eyes at each other and I could tell many ppl were giving them dirty glares. Apart from the crowd, I managed to dance to my heart's content...accept that someone puked over my feet @#$!)@#$! yechs...and that someone happen to be someone from AC whom I know..tsk cindy's good fren David..sigh..he was there with a bunch of sb5 guys, jus the ppl we need to meet... Ah well, we just ignored them, and afterwards danced with a group who so kindly invited us to join them, seeing yumin and I being almost squashed to death, and amongst them was a very good looking guy who looks so much like clover(nick for my ex-crush)..

We left at about 2 as my mom had told me not to be home so late. We managed to sneak in quietly and after a bath and raid of the kitchen, it was about 4 and we just chatted until we fell asleep. And the next thing I knew, it was 7.3o, and time to wake up for work. I slunked in to office feeling shagged and tired and dreading the days work.

My boss treated me to lunch today...that is my male, balding, tubby, manager of NTUC Income of a boss, actually my ex boss who is, according to the aunties at my office, quite lecherous...But I think he is pretty harmless and there is no harm being on good relations with a manager, you never know what job you need in the future, and he just informed me over lunch that during my hols, I can always go back to Income to work, all I have to do is call him..wahaha...so I know I would always have a job during the hols and have no need to go hunting for one. But over lunch, we had quite a interesting conversation and he told me his rags to riches story which I found pretty fascinating. I guess one must have that determination and drive which is unfortunately lacking in me.

At dinner, despite my tiredness, I managed to bake cookies, as tomorrow is my last day of work, I wanted to bake cookies as a thank you to all the people for treating me so well. The cookies turned out very nice..I think I am really getting the hang of it and it was all nice and evenly coloured, and unfortunately, a lot went into my stomach, cookie batter and all. Yummy yum yum..Feeling so tired now, going to bed now..

I went to the gym early in the morning, managed to push myself out of the bed at 6.30 to clock in 45 mins in there, felt so proud of myself and definitely did not feel as sluggish as I normally feel in the morning...I had planned to go Zouk later on at night, so I wore the top, which is a normal Mango top and a skirt. But somehow I attracted a lot of attention today. Almost every guy who walked past me seemed to look back at me. I felt so exposed and naked, even though I felt what I was wearing was definitely decent, well,from the front at least...at the back, there was a sort of a peekaboo. And the banglars I walked past were obviously staring.. Weird ppl, weird day.

Well, at least work passed very fast today, it gets easier and easier to get through, and I think I am going to miss working at Income..what a contrary to my first week of work...The hols really flew past, literally..and when term starts, its more studying again, and I have to work especially hard, if I want to get better grades to make up for my abysmal ones thus sem.

Enough about study, at least for now anyway..going to enjoy myself fullest at Zouk tonight...Forget about everything else....

I know I said that I am fully prepared for the worst for my results, like having to retake PS or SEA next semester, and indeed in my earlier blog, right after the exams, I said that no matter what grades I got, I know that I have tried my best. But now, thinking back, have I really tried my best, and how 'best' is my best. Am I too easily satisfied? I had initially felt ok with my results as I felt I 'deserved' it, but as more people compared their grades with me, I I felt seriously depressed, I can't tell you the number of people who got a cap of 3.5 and think its lousy. Plus a friend who had a lot of problems during exam period even managed to pull though brilliantly. I can't honestly say I didnt feel a tinge of envy when she told me her grades. I am happy for her of course, but can't help wondering, where does that put me? i guess its time for some serious review about my studying methods. Or my attitude towards studying..

Plus I had another huge blow today...I failed my driving test. I had really hoped to pass it the first time round, and always had a lot of confidence in myself on that. I did the circuit perfectly and kept telling myself not to go at my usual break-neck speed and be more careful. When I was out on the roads, I did everything alright except at one crucial moment, when I was turning out into the mainroad and there was a car coming towards me, with a left indicator on, so thinking he was going to turn left, I drove out, instead that !@#@&## driver had no intentions of doing that and came straight towards me, and in my panic, I struck the kerb... It meant an immediate failure for me. I was like damn damn damn!!! ERhhh, stupid driver...But who to blame? Myself, of course, if only I had waited for her to pass. Was I over-confident? Yes, I suppose I was...I had to blink back tears when I was told that I had failed the test, though I knew in my heart I would, I was still holding out some Hope, hope that the examiner would be lenient, hope that HE would carry me through...tears of what? I don't know, frustration, anger at myself, sadness....


Christians around me told me to put my faith in the Lord and He will pull me through. I did put my faith in Him, but I did badly for results, I failed my driving test, and a whole lot of other things. Oh, I know I shouldnt expect miracles, but what am I to expect then? I know that whatever He does, there is a reason for it, we just have to be patient and have faith and He will see us through, I have read and heard enough of this, but so am I destined to be mediocre all my life. Am I destined to wait all my life? I feel so confused, all my doubts rising to the surface yet again. I don't know what I believe in anymore....

I had a normal, boring christmas day and boxing day. Tried to do some suntanning in my roof garden yesterday as the weather was so nice and sunny. No sooner had I settled down and was dozing off to lala land when a few drops of water worked me up. Damn!!! It was freaking raining, and it was so sunny just a few seconds ago. I waited for some time for the sun to come out from behind the dark clouds and for the rain to stop, but it didnt, the rain seemed to be getting heavier instead. So I went back to my room and no sooner had I done that when the sun came out again, brighter and more dazzling than before...And this ALWAYS happens when I want to tan. I feel sooo thwarted by the sun and at this rate, I don't think I will ever achieve that even, golden brown colour that I so covert on other girls.

Christmas dinner with dad was at home and consisted of turkey sausage that was sooo salty, cream of campbell soup, baked beans, and bread. A very 'romantic'dinner indeed, except that I had to do the washing up :-( He was very convinced that we would not find decent dining on christmas day without prior booking and the prices would be double that of normal days. Oh well, at least I got the Beyond Paradise perfume that I wanted, which is stike two off my xmas list.

Today was spent slacking, and it was really seriously slacking, watching TV and attempting to read my Time magazine. Dad kept asking me why I wasnt studying, but I couldnt find a suitable repartee and said that as it was christmas, I deserved to rest, he is under the impression that I study during the weekdays though.. The release of the results were today, but I was in no hurry to check, fearing the worst. My stomach was full of butterflies as I typed in my matric and pin number, hesitating on the ENTER button, prolonging the moment, and at last reluctantly clicking it. Alas, the results were as I expected, lousy. But I am incredibly relieved I scrapped through Political science and southeast asian studies. But very disapponted that I did badly for sociology which I expected to do better for. My best grade is for my chemistry gem which is so incredibly ironic, given that I am an arts student. I havent plucked up the courage to tell my parents yet. I can probably get pass my mom by telling her I did ok... But I can forsee another long and tedious lecture from Dad, about getting mediocre results in uni, about getting a career in life, about me being nothing as I would be overshadowed by tons of other graduates, after all, what is a ARTS DEGREE.... Wish I can be like an ostrich and hide my head in the sand and pretend that I can't see the predator and fool myself. But that is a cowardly way and the truth would come out sooner or later... Just have to face it bravely. I am a optimistic person and would not dwell on it too much, and will just hope for the best next sem.. Always remember...This too, shall pass...

Merry Christmas to all who visit my blog, may all your wishes and dreams come true.

Anyway, yes, I just got back from the Christmas countdown at orchard and it was a total mess, packed with people and car...mad ppl running around spraying people with foam. Sad to say, I lost my temper and cursed quite a number of times, especially when I was sprayed directly in the face. And the worst thing was that my hp batt was flat and I couldnt locate my friends among the throngs of people. It was sooo lonely wondering around orchard like a lost soul on christmas eve and I was ready to call it a day and go home when thankfully I spotted Stephen. Anyway, lets start from the beginning.

I had to work half day today, if u call it work....People started to exchange christmas presents early in the morning. I was in such a celebratory mood that I was pretty unproductive. But I was sent off to collect 3 logcakes from swensen's for the xmas party at 11.30. At first I was quite excited about going to collect the logcakes for obvious reasons. But I soon realized it was no mean feat carrying 3 heavy icecream logcakes for a distance of perhaps about 1km or 15mins of walking back to the office. My hands were seriously aching by the time I got back. From then on, it was food and more food and more cakes and more logcakes....yes, I am scaring even myself. It was followed by some xmas songs and gift exchange.

In the afternoon, I went with mom to her friend's place to witness her getting baptised. It was held at one of her church member's bungalow which had a tiny swimming pool. It was a pretty meanful event and I was glad I went. All her friends exclaimed over me, oh so tall, so preeetty, *blush*...haha...anyway there were many other ppl getting batised too and I didnt know them, so it got pretty boring,but consolation came in the form of a oh-so-handsome eurasian boy, the son of mom's friend. Sadly, I think he is 1 or 2 years younger than me,though he sure didnt look it. I went for mom's christmas service later on which was the first service I have been to in ages, since AC days. It was really lovely and I enjoyed singing the songs, though I nodded off for a few minutes during the sermon due to exhaustion.

We had dinner with mom's friends, their family, including the kids. Well, not that young, Brennan, who is my age and whom I know from AC and 3 others who were a few years younger. It was pretty fun, after dinner, the kids clamoured to go celebrate xmas and we ended up at holland v and while the adults went to the food centre for kopi while we went to NYDC for another round of sinful stuff. Oh well, xmas only comes once a year after all..

After that, on the spur of the moment, I decided to follow Brennan to orchard for the countdown as well, to well, immerse myself in the xmas atmosphere and I got more than I bargained for. We parted ways at Orchard MRT, where he went to meet his friends and I met steph, bianca and gsy...Stupid shiang had already left to catch a midnite movie??? We had a nice walk and chat from grange road,where my mom dropped us off.

After pacing around topman where I was supposed to meet Steph, who was despatched to meet me, I had mixed feelings, one part great relief and another part deep annoyance when I finally spotted him Then we had to squeeze though the zillions of people to find the girls. I kept behind Steph to avoid being sprayed,not that he had a bigger surface area than me,but it was nice to have a cover...After a while, I decided to heck it, it can't be helped after all. After a wild goose hunt from orc mrt to wheelock place and back to orc mrt again, we finally saw gsy and bianca and some of their frens. It was around 11.50 by then. We then managed to squeeze our way throught,just in time for the countdown. When it neared 12, everybody started chanting 10,9,8.....,2,1 and then BANG!!!And people started goign crazy,spraying foam everywhere and we just ignored them and hugged and wished one another merry xmas. I felt that it was nice being part of the crowd and finally taking part in a countdown, but it was way too wild for my liking. We walked to orchard blvd after the countdown where Bianca and I tried carolling but failed miserably, with me going very out of tune and breaking out into fits of giggles. Gsy and steph just stood aside, trying to look as if they didnt know the two mad girls with the cannot-make-it voice. I reached home pretty early, at around 12.45 and still ,full of energy despite my early fatigue....It was definitely an enjoyable day...New year countdown anyone???


juz kidding....juz kidding

Its late, yes I know. I got home less than half and hour ago, but I still have to wait for my hair to dry anyway, and I am too full of energy to sleep. I had a really fantabulous day. Even working was nice today. The morning passed by as usual. In the afternoon, when I got back from lunch, there were two huge logcakes from primadeli on my table, waiting to be distributed by me. So my duty was to cut up the cake and distribute to everyone in the department, and of course to eat it. Food does loosen the tongue, as I found out when I chatted amicably to people don't talk to, it seemed to close up the barriers. No sooner had I got back to work when another cake was delievered to the department. All the cakes are from the lawyers working from NTUC income. Anyway, this time round, the cake was awfully good, from AwfullyChocolate, and it was a real piece of art, and tasted like a dream cake. I took the pic of it using my new phone, but have to figure out how to infrared it to my laptop to upload it.

After work, I went for my very last driving lesson before my exam next monday. I felt pretty confident on the roads, just scared that I would flout some traffic regulation while driving. After that, I met up with Dad whom I have not seen in three weeks for dinner. We had it with his ex-friend whom I am very fond of and they are still on very good terms. Anyway my wish is that they would get back together. She is a really nice lady, gracious and beautiful. We had dinner at Cafe Cartel...yes..again, but this time round, the food was nicer. Dun wanna go into details,but we ordered the ribs again(my dad is quite into it), panfried linguine.... I ordered a death by choc milkshake. And greedy dad ordered a tiramisu cheescake and a blackforest cake for dessert....All I can say is, it was an extremely satisfying meal. After that, we walked to esplanade, the scenery was really superb,but there were a lot of couples down there, cuddling, kissing,holding hands...Sigh the R word again. We went to Harry's pub for a drink and I was hard-pressed for choices, wanted to order all the cocktails there were..In the end, I settled for a butterscotch schnapp which I had never tried before and it was really great. We stayed there until 12 before heading back, had a really great chat, catching up on each other's life... And now,here I am...

Dad dropped me off at home first before sending Aunt Aubrey home(that's his ex's name). I rang him when I got home,reminding him that if he didnt want to grow old a lonely old man, he had better take action fast. I really feel that they are a good match. Hopefully he would take my advice and make a move..

Thats all for tonite...Ciao

Just a quick entry before I go off to bed. Had a eventful couple of days. Helped to do the christmas decorations in the office. The time flew past while we were doing the decorations and when we were done, the office was all ready for the festive season... as a colleague put it, we had no more mood for work. The decorations may not be classy looking,but it gave a homely touch to the office.I really love the christmas atmosphere, it gives me a sense of nostalgia and a bittersweet feeling in my heart. It was pretty fun and made working more interesting. Met Adrian for lunch at cartel today, we shared a porkribs and a missipi mudpie. The bloody porkribs took 45 mins to come and it was not as tender as when I had tried previously. The cake passed muster I suppose. Needless to say, I was very late back for work...just slunked in hoping no one would spot me, and luckily, no one said anything. Oh well, anyway I am known as a good worker and a good temp, so being a teeny weeny late once in a while is excusable...hee

I spent the night wrapping presents. Was supposed to go zouk tonight, but sigh, was postponed to next week. I am so dying to mambo. So now I am having my own mini mambo session in my own room, blasting the music and dancing in the room. Crazy??? yup, no one ever said I am sane...I feel very top of the world now, like I am ready to take one anything and beat it...Yesss!!!! A productive night, looking sooo forward to christmas..

I tried going without breakfast today, just to get the feel of it, as I know many people who can skip breakfast. Sadly, I am not one of those and firmly believe in having breakfast to jumpstart the day, so to speak. Though I managed to survive till 12(hot milo doesn't count, does it), I constantly thought of food and was listless and lacked energy and my stomach was happily drumming away. Lesson no 1, I can't go without breakfast, it makes me overeat at lunch because I was super ravenous

The night was spent slacking away as that is what I have been doing most days, drained of energy and incapable of doing anything else other than reading novels, blogging,playing with my new phone....There are 101 things to be done, eg packing my room, wrapping xmas presents....Will get down to it soon.

Anyway, I came across this blog which I found deeply poignant and meaningful...its about understanding and facing death. This woman who has a tumour in her neck who is on the verge of death blogged everyday till the day she died. She faced death bravely and accepted it without hysterics, and is undoubtedly a very brave woman. Visit her blog at http://www.dyingis.blogspot.com
An excerpt from her blog: Every living thing strives to stay alive. And death is all the more frightening when you have to watch it unfold before yourself. But you achieve absolutely nothing by refusing to acknowledge it. You do not comfort me with your assurance that I won't die, because escaping death is not what I'm longing for. What I'm longing for is for you to understand what death is. Look it in the eye and see it for what it is. And then you'll see that understanding death is the only one and true liberation... That paragraph is so so true, everybody fights to stay alive in every sense of the word and sometimes compromises their moral values in the rat race, sacrificing things that matter the most, like their loved ones, in the desperate bid to achieve something that is so tangible. Is it worth it? I am personally not afraid of dying, whats there to be afraid of? What I am afraid of is to leave a loved one behind. The pain of losing a loved one is terrible, I have not experienced it before and have no wish to experience it anytime soon. But death is inevitable, we have to face and acknowledge it. What is most important to let our loved ones know of our care and concern for them.....

I finally made it to the gym after a long lapse of days. It took every ounce of willpower I had to drag myself out of bed, stared bearily at the mirror at myself, trying to conjure up the image of myself being having the figure I so desired. I failed to do that, but convinced myself successfully that one hour is better spent in the gym than slacking around, even if I had to huff and puff my way through it.

The afternoon was spent having duck rice at some coffee shop at buona vista with mom and her friend. After that, I went them to visit the family of a prisoner who had turned to Christ recently. It was really a heart-rending story, which made me realize how lucky I am and ought to treasure my life more. I think the person to be pitied most is the prisoner's son whose mother is in prison as well, and he is apparently very rebellious, naughty and quite a problem child. This is probably his way of responding to unfairness of life and lonliness and without guidance.

On a happier note, mom and I went to a birthday tea of my cousin's 1 year old daughter held at the meritius mandarin. That is my pretty, voluptous ex-air stewardess of a cousin who married a dashing pilot, something of a fairy tale marriage. The food was awesome, couldnt get enough of the mini tiramisu or the mini quiche. I was happy seeing all my cousins and aunties and being hugged and petted by them as I was the 'baby' of the family...well, not anymore,since the appearances of my little nieces and newphews. The question that was foremost on everybody's mouth was if I had gotten a boyfriend yet and the answer was an emphatic NO. As my mother put it, my eyes are on my head(direct chinese translation), meaning that my expectations were too high. Well, I see no wrong in having high expectations. My ideal guy....hmmm, funny, kind-hearted,intelligent, caring and yeah, good looking(or quite). I suppose that is something of a paragon. That would be pretty hard to find, , much less be able to be able to 'ensnare' him, especially as I am not that perfect myself and my 'qualities' are not exactly very desirable. Yet, that has not stopped me from dreaming of a perfect guy after my own heart(something like my cousin-in-law who is good-looking, charismatic, charming and capable and clearly loves my cousin alot) and I will not stop short of anything lesser than that. Perhaps thats why I have remained single, or have not had any past relationships as I tended to shy away from guys who displayed any indication of wanting more than friendship who fell short of my expectations.

Expectations....it always comes back to that. My expectations may be too high, should I lower it? Truth is, I am not exactly in a hurry to settle into a relationship. I can't stand girls who grab any tom, dick or harry who come their way because they the prospect of being a single is too daunting for them. Well, it is not so for me and I believe that I will continue to wait for the One who is out there.....

Music of the moment: When you believe by Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey

Today was really an eventful day. Went to Singtel with mom to change handphones. And yes, I finally got my dream phone, the Samsung E600C. I was sooo happy when I held it in my helds, cradling it as if it were a fragile pricelesstreasure, touching it reverently. After that, we went to killiney road kopitiam for lunch. We ordered a kaya set, two teh Cs and chicken curry with baguette. The curry was really good and spicy and my tongue and stomach was left burning after that.

We went for a christian musical at the Expo in the afternoon and I met up with yumin, derek and kelvin there, whom I had both invited and bullied into going. The musical was held by my mom's church and she was acting as an usher there. Saw some art club ppl and bought a candle from them for some mercy charity thingy. The musical was quite interesting, about the prodigal son. I guess the point of the musical was that no matter how far you have drifted apart from the Lord, He would still welcome you back with open arms and shower you with love. I guess I am like the prodigal son, but I don't know when I would truly return and be totally devoted to Him. I have been drifting so far away. I am just so very confused about my own feelings. But I know He has His own timing and when the time is right, I would be ready to receive him back into my life again.

After the musical,we went to orchard for dinner. Somehow I was feeling very tired and not my usual boisterous self. I felt that I was in a very disagreeable mood and even going to orchard failed to cheer me up. We went to McDonald's and tried the new chicken foldover which is actually quite delicious. I didnt feel like shopping anymore and thus went home after that. Slacked around, stared blankly into space. explore my new hp... thats what I did for the rest of the night. So totally unproductive. I wonder what happened to my so-called resolution to revise my old stuff, can't muster up the energy to that, I am such a failure...

Feeling.....stoned

Yayy!!! Its the weekends finally and I have a whole lot of activities lined up for me. Today, a colleague of mine treated me to lunch at secret recipes. I tried the seabass which was literally swimming in oil which left my stomach feeling queasy the whole day. At her insistence, I tried the chocolate cheesecake after demurring for quite a while. It more than made up for the fish. It was really soft and creamy and melted in my mouth and was not too sweet and heavy. The rest of the day passed quite fast, and I met yumin and jul for a movie at Lido. We bought the tickets for Ocean's twelve which was at 8.45 and settled down at the benches for dinner and a sport of people watching. It was quite fun pointing our weird people to eat other and recognizing old school mates. We saw quite a number of familiar faces. The movie itself was very nice and funny. Brad was handsome, george was debonair, catherine was glamourous, julia looked haggard and the rest were quite insignificant i suppose..Well matt damon is quite cute, but in the movie, he was quite spastic. But I enjoyed the movie, laughed heartily, forgot all about mudane stuff. One good thing about movies is that they transport you into an imaginery world, away from the mundane stuff, forget all about real life troubles and just focus on the show. But when it ends, its back to reality with a 'plonk'. Yes, but I enjoyed myself alot...and tmr there is a whole lot of other activities...Will update tmr.

Hope I have enough willpower to go gym in the morning..I dun wanna let my newly "toned" figure go to seed...hee...Dreaming of samsung E600c.. I only dropped my handphone twice today and only just managed to stop myself from swearing.

I actually didnt want to blog today as today was pretty much the same as yesterday, except that I didnt go gym, I went raffles city and I didnt manage to err abstain. But a friend convinced me otherwise, saying that my blog is one thing that she has to read everyday,awww so sweet. I am happy that people like reading my senseless ramblings...

Anyway, as mentioned, I went to Raffles city for lunch. Had my usual chocolate-nut scones which makes that 3 days in a row I had scones for lunch...wonder when I would get sick of it. I don't think that would happen anytime soon as I am not a fickle-minded person, whether in love or anything, the fact that I had a huge crush on a guy for 2 years would attest to that...errr, alright, lets not go into that, its over, its done with and best forgotten. But this brings me back to a conversation I had with a friend over physical looks. It started innocently enough, with me saying that I was more toned from the sessions in the gym(i would be devasated if i weren't), though I don't seem to be reducing physically, my abs seem more taut, as does my waist *big grin*. And we were saying that for guys to look good, they must have six packs, though I pointed out that the body is not all that matters, its the whole package. No point having the body of Brad and the face of err mark lee..oops, hope I didnt sound mean there. So we launched into a discussion of whether looks matter. And the conclusion is sadly, it does. No matter how much ppl stress on internal beauty which is super impt, its pretty much first impression which counts, to make a person decide whether that person is worth impressing anot..Of course a good looking person with an ugly internal self is nothing at all..For me, looking good is important, it feels good to have people check you out(though I dont get that often). Even at work, my boss tends to treat me nicer because I am a female, its easier to ask for favours too. But I also feel that when you first get to know a person who is not so good looking and his/her internal beauty shines out, that person would actually appear quite attractive to me..

Oh I digressed quite a bit..Hmm, back to raffles city. Ahh yes, its takes me 20mins to walk to and fro from my office, giving me only 40mins to shop. I headed straight for ig's heavens which is known for its cook stuff as I was still looking for christmas presents, and obsessed with my tumbler, which I got finally there, yay!! I spent quite a bit of time browing through all the stuff and before I knew it, I only had 10 mins left for lunch and I hadnt even decided which to buy...as I loved everything. Thus I had to leave and made a mental note to go back either tmr or fri to finish with what I left off. As I walked past the atrium at raffles city, the tandalizing aroma of the popcorn wafting to my ever sensitive-to-food nose proved irresistable and at the price of $1.50 which was way cheaper than cinema prices..I surrendered to temptation, yet again. Ahh well, an abstemious life is not for me, I guess. I just have to rely on exercise to prevent me from expanding horizontally.

Had a boring two days at work, but somehow, it was much better today than yesterday. Time seemed to pass faster and I was more productive in working. Shiang joined me for a very short shopping trip at Bugis during lunchtime today which somewhat lessened the monotony of life and at least I had some company instead of my normal boring lunch,well, not that boring as I try to vary my shopping venues....But there is really nothing much to see when you only have 40mins to do so. I shall go to raffles city tmr, more christmas pressies to buy and new things to check out. I still want to buy a mug to keep my hot drinks hot in the office, but those that I saw at coffee beans and starbucks dont really fit my requirements, thus I am still on the lookout.

Went for driving lesson after work. WIth the test two weeks away, I am pretty confident about my driving capabilities, after all, havent I been sitting in cars since young. My instructor feels that I am confident in driving, but tends to drive too fast but well, I can't stand drivers who drive at a snail-crawling pace and hog the roads.

After that, I still mustered the energy to head to the gym for a workout despite every cells of my brains screaming for rest. Yup, I am so proud of myself. Did cardio for 45mins and did some weight-lifting too, for a more toned look yeah...Think it is more out of vanity than because I want to be fit that I exercise. But for whatever misguided reasons, its good for me, so oh well....But I don't seem to see any change. But the workout has left me feeling optimistic and happy and fit, all the endorpins and all...Dreamland beckons...ZzZzz

Music of the moment-Will Young-your love is king

I had a great sunday today, instead of the normal boring sundays lazing around at home with dad being a couch potato, but as Dad was away, I spent the day with yumin instead, shopping at Bugis. It was wonderful, the galore of christmas gifts and the christmas decorations and the festive atmosphere, but I didnt really fancy squeezing with zillions of people, it was so crowded everywhere. It was nice going out with yumin too as we both almost had the same taste in things and it was nice having a second opinion.

I left my house around 11 and got to raffles city for a quick walk around before walking to Bugis to meet yumin. Met her around 2 as she was late and we headed to Coffee Bean's for a coffee break as we were both tired from all the walking. The peppermint christmas latte was delicious, perfect for sipping while resting the tired legs and chatting with a good friend. We continued walking after that, from the numerous pushcarts, to clothes boutique to seiyu...It was a tiring but fruitful afternoon as we tried out clothes,asked for each other's opinions and tossed back clothes and bought the ones we wanted. I also managed to buy some christmas presents for people. I spent quite a lot of money, but for some reasons, it makes one happy and satisfied. Oh well, I am working now, can afford to splurge now and then, especially as I have been holding myself on a tight rein. But I suspect that the floodgates have been let open and I would be having a lot of shopping sprees this month, which is not good.

We were done at around 6 and I decided to head down to orchard to get some stuff while yumin went home. My legs were so tired that went I found a seat on the bus, I sank down into it gratefully and fished out a book to read. I was so absorbed that I was quite shocked when an angmoh carrying a struggling child(note, and not a baby) asked me if I could let up my seat. I didnt even think as I shot up and was quite happy to let up my seat to stand by a corner. It was a one-person seat and she sat down while she held her child in front of her, not on her lap, but still standing. While I was standing, I reflected that even though her request was more than polite, I didnt like the tone in which it was delivered, imperious, as if implying that I should have done so without her asking, that it was her right to sit. I wondered what would be her reaction if I refused, would she make a scene? I am probably reading too much into this, but I felt that a Singaporean wouldnt do such a thing, even elderly folks sometimes refused seats that were offered to them. What right does a young healthy woman who is perfectly capable of standing make such a demand(if she asked for the seat for her child, i wouldnt have minded, but damnit that was not the case), does she still think we are leaving in the colonial era? Or is it simply the fault of Singaporeans for bestowing on them royalty treatment, for catering to their every whims and fancies. Sadly, I am not one for challenging people unless I am super pissed off. I take things as they come, with a pinch of salt. I go along with the norms, I don't question why, I don't pick fights unless someone does with me. I simply go along with people. But I am no pushover, I simply like to keep my views to myself have and have less conflict. People who have ideas of their own and find it hard to conform are disliked by people as being to individualistic and aggresive. Am I making sense it, or just garbling nonsense, I am not sure myself. For both cases, there are pros and cons, guess its whether you want to be a doormat or a maverick, the two extreme ends....

It seems like I am thinking too much, but the holidays is a good time to think about the past, the present, the future. Of what I want to be, to recover my lost identity, to carve a niche of my own, right now, I am simply lost in the ocean of mediocrity, always blending in, never standing out.....

Dear me, I have forgotten about work tmr, Its going to be another long, boring week ahead. But oh well, had a fantastic weekend. What more can I ask?? Indeed, I have many more activities ahead of me, it'd be a veritable whirlwind....so I will grit my teeth and get on with it, and think of the lovely things I can do with the money earned...Yes, samsung E600c beckons.....

Oh wow, I am super exhausted now, just feel like throwing myself on my bed and not moving an inch. The bbq went pretty smoothly. Took a half day leave and met yvonne, jieying, candice and yumin at NTUC to buy all the stuff. We reached my house at about 3. It was too early, so we just slacked around in my room and talked cock. It was nice to gossip and be updated on all the latest news of our old school-mates and bitch about many things....Well except for the fact that we were eating Potato chips on my bed and there were crumbs all over....yikes. We went down to prepare at about 5.30 and went great world city to buy charcoals and spent about an hour there and went to look at clothes instead of buying charcoals and got back only at 6.30, by which my mom had already started the fire. The rest of them were late.so we tucked in first...Roasted chicken, wings,sausages, cuttlefish balls, hashbrowns, garlic bread, baked potaotoes, cheese prawns....and my fave marshmellows, I can roast it very well until the outer layer become caramelized and the inner part becomes all soft and goey...MMmmmm, delicious. I think I blew about 1000 or more calories tonites...sigh..but it was the camaraderie between us that mattered the most, so reminiscent of the old AC days. After we finished the food,we all went up to my house for the grand finale, a chocolate cake from Lana which was quite delicious, but I still prefered choc truffle cakes.

Everyone wanted a grand tour of the house, which made me feel quite paiseh. After a few rounds of bridge, everybody left before 11 which was a relief cos I didnt want to turn in too late. It rained just then, a very very heavy downpour and my room was almost flooded cos I had forgotten to close the windows, silly me...And my laptop was in extreme danger of being spoilt, I cursed damn loudly, which helped to relieve some of the spleen...haha, oops Spent a 'happy' half an hour cleaning up. When I finished, it was still raining and I suddenly had this silly idea of walking in the rain, so I went to the roof garden and just stood there looking at the rain and just letting the rain envelope me. It was such a nice feeling and very cooling as well..I love the feeling... Wish I can do it forever and ever.......

My poor feet is aching now and is full of blisters, had to totter around in high heels the whole day today which I am definitely not used to. I am happier in flip-flops, but today was the first day of work. Woke up at 7 as I didn't want to be late on the first day of work. When I reached NTUC Income, which is at Princep House, my old colleagues greeted me happily. They were the older,auntie types, well not exactly aunties, but you know what I mean, and they have always treated me very well. I soon settled in fast. People who worked at the other side of the office were all taken aback when they walked over and saw me and would make small talk, hmm at least they remembered me. The cliche of the day is, "Oh you are back." Well yes, I am back, but not for long though, wondered how I managed to get through 6 months. I settled into the dull monotony of admin work and the only perk was lunch time where I walked over to Bugis for an hour of shopping. There were many new push-carts which I explored slowly. There were so many interesting things and surprisingly, I managed to resist buying all the things that i was very tempted to buy. Saw many potential christmas presents though, would definitely be back again to buy. There is always the next week and the week after next. I had the feeling I would be going to Bugis almost everyday for lunch. Talking about lunch, I had my fave choco-nut scones from Four Leaves, only bought two, so that is considered quite a light and 'healthy' lunch for me...ermm not taking into consideration the milo-mocha that I drank in the office to keep me awake.

The time really ticked by extreeemely slowly. I kept looking at the clock at every one hourly interval. It finally reached 5.20 at last..Yay!!! Went home for dinner. Was ravenous as I managed to resist eating any snacks. Had to prepare for tmr's class bbq at my place. Would be taking half-day leave tomorrow to buy all the stuffs and all and prepare for it,heehee, at least it won't be so agonizing, can look forward to it while at work and hopefully time would fly by faster. Would update again tmr about the bbq and hopefully with more pics.

Wow, had a food filled day..Now, I am not saying thats good, in fact, thats very bad..But well, one has to let go occasionally. But I had a wonderful fun filled day, which makes that two days in a row. But which is unfortunately ending tomorrow. I am starting work tmr....back to ntuc income where i worked as a temp during my 6mths break. I was quite surprised when I received a call in the morningfrom my supervisor asking me to go back to work. As I felt I needed the money as I am definitely spending way to much, especially on food. And my job is from Mon-fri, 8.30 to 5.20 which means no more late nights for me as I have to wake up early and no more outings except at night and dinner *sob*...Friends, you must not forget about poor old moi.

Anyway Jan, bianca, swi and I met up for our long overdue lunch at NYDC for our much awaited mudpie. I ordered a baked pasta as usual and shared "That boney cake"with Jan. As usual, we took a lot of pics which I will be posting later..patience ppl. I seem to be developing a fetish for taking pics, esp of food.

At night, met up with Jane finally after few months of not seeing her, my bestest friend from secondary sch. We went to hagen daaz for dinner and after that, walked around orchard, which was an extremely enjoyable activity. Orchard at night is very dazzling, esp during christmas time, I will never get tired of all the hustle-bustle, and its the best place for ppl watching. And I saw Maia Lee today. I was standing there when this short and petite gal walked past me, I was admiring her skirt and her figure until I saw her multiple tatoos and it dawned on me that it was her. Wow, she is really hot,I really admire her dancing capabilities. After dinner,we went to the bazaar at Taka atrium and there were really many nice and interesting things on sale. Yay!!! managed to get my long-wanted-to-buy-but-never-bought slippers, and two at that...at the incredible price of $10 for 2...

Teresa is a happy and satisfied girl. Had two great days. Had very nice food. Managed to meet up with my friends. Didnt slack at home. Starting work tmr, so proud of myself..At least I would have the money to spurge and not feel guilty...well, not THAT guilty. Sigh, have to sleep early. Posting all my pics another day. Zzzzzz

derek, me, izzie 

Sistas....do we look alike??? 

here are some sneak previews. Will be posting more later 

Wow!!! Today's sentosa outing was totally awesome, despite the lack of sun and ppl. Today, when I woke up, the weather was so perfect-perfectly cool and without sun, in fact, in was even drizzling, perfect for going back to sleep, burrowing into the warmth of my duvet. And the thought of only four people going to sentosa didnt feel particularly exciting...I was all ready to cancel the trip.... I mean, going to sentosa on a sunless day defeats the purpose of going in the first place. But well, as it was Kelvin's bday today, we didnt want to 'disappoint' him, so we decided to go ahead with the outing.

I was there super early, at about 10.15 way before 11, the time we were supposed to meet, and everybody was late.....as usual.

10.15 Arrived at habourfront shopping centre, did an exploration of the place
10.35 Went with Shiang to cold storage to get food. Heroically ignored Doritos screaming out at me...grabbed a honey teddy grahams instead(which is not much better)
10.50 Went to McDonald's to wait for the rest. Watched Shiang attack a susage egg mcmuffin meal while I made do with a hot milo. Had a nice chat with him
11.30 Finally met up with Izzie, Derek and Kelvin at the bus interchange
12.00 Finally reached sentosa, headed to Palawan beach where we stood around finding a spot to sit down. Stood around at a shady corner, where we posed for pictures, screamed at weird creatures that crawled incessantly up one's arms(alright, only me). Ate izzie's home-made egg mayo sandwich and my beloved teddy grahams.
1.30 Waved goodbye to Shiang who had another appointment with friends. We finally settled down on a spot. Bought a mat. Played bridge and taiti. Posed for more pics
2.30 Finally got into the water. Screwed up the courage to take off my top. First time I paraded around in public wearing only bikini, ok not parade(oh, how my mom would jump off the roof if she had an inkling). In fact, both izzie and me felt so self-conscious that we shooed the guys off, took off our tops at top speed, and rushed into the water. I felt so exposed and there were a group of mats staring at us, which I determinedly ignored. Was ok once we reached the water, splashed around abit. Kelvin was brave enough to bring his camera into the water. Had silly fun while we were swayed around by the strong waves and managed to take decent photos amidst many skewed ones.
3.30 Swam around abit, splashed around a lot
4.3o Felt brave enough to venture up shore. Took pictures of me and izzie wearing bikini in many different poses.
5 Went to bathe.. It was so cold that we were all shivering en route to the bathroom
5.45 Gathered near the bus stop. Addicted to taking pics. Received call from sy who was already at suntec, where we were supposed to meet for dinner with the rest of the gang ,*oops*, think we dilly-dallied too long.
6.40 Reached cafe cartel where we were not the latest. Shared a st louis ribs and a panfried linguini with Izzie...Mmmmm....ultra delicious. Had lotsa gossips and hidden agendas where we passed around Kelvin's bday card.
10.15 Reached home where mom asked me the usual question? Why were u out until so late???

Enjoyed myself tremendously today. Felt that I really bonded with Izzie and the guys. Just floating on the water is really relaxing, listening to the sounds of your own breathing, the splashing of the waves, just not moving and letting the water carry you about....its really therapeutic.

Really glad that I met this bunch of ppl who really made my life in uni so much for fun and bearable. Whoever said that you can't build close frienships in uni...bollocks to that. Just hope that this friendship would continue to flourish and grow, even up to the time when we leave uni.

ps: I will be posting some xrated pics in my blog...Watch out for it..*grinz*

One week into the holidays and I am feeling very bored. That is how contradictory human beings are. When we are busy and studying, we yearn for the day we would be free. Now that I am free, I yearn to have something to do. Last week was spent reading, surfing the net, going out. In fact, fri, sat and sun was spent at home except on sat where I pulled Dad to watch BJ's diary despite his sulks and assertions that it was a stupid show, where we shared a huge popcorn between us. The dieting plan is not going well at all. When u are so bored at home, what do u turn to for solace....food, of course...And there are oceans of temptations everywhere during christmas time. Whats with all those lavish christmas buffet spreads. Even going to cold storage prove dificult, having to resist all the luscious displays of chocs that suddenly pop up and the cookies and eggnog....And horror, they are stocking honey teddy grahams(my fave, for some reason that is beyond me), and I thought I had seen the last of it at NUS coop.

Hopefully the coming week would be more exciting. Already, it holds that promise. Going sentosa on tues. Driving lesson on wed, and meeting jane at night(my best fren from sec sch)...havent seen her in ages. Maybe another trip to sentosa on thurs and class bbq at my place on fri. I wanna go clubbing on sat...who wanna come along ...maybe chinablack or zouk..hee. A fun filled week beckons,hopefully. And hopefully I can stick to my exercise regime. I wonder how renee zellweger lost all that lard in less than 3 mths..She prob has the willpower of steel.

I have been thinking of doing a little studying too...*horror*. I really shouldn't waste my entire december hoidays away, must do something productive,no matter how slight it might be. Maybe I should go think about what modules I want to take next semester and read up on the readings before hand, though that smacks of kiasuism and is so not me. Or maybe I should dig out this sem's work and analyse what went wrong and read through the stuff again to get a better understanding, especially political science and SEA. I will tryyyyy, no gurantees though, it is so much more pleasant to curl up on my bed with a nice book and some nice music in the background...Ahh thats life...but too much of a good thing can be a bad thing...and perhaps when I am sick of doing that, then I will start reading my ps textbook*yucks*

Greedy pig, not dog 

My two doggies hanging around the kitchen waiting for a crumb or two to drop into their mouth. Dream on!! 

super jumbo cookies for the special few 

Tadaaa!!! the results 

cookies baking in the oven. I daresay the aroma can rival FA cookies 

Cookies, cookies and more cookies. I used to love Famous Amos cookies dearly and used to buy it all the time. I never got sick of smelling the aroma of cookies emanating from the store at Wisma Atrial I thought that FA cookies were perfection itself, the shape, the right amount of sweetness, the crunchy texture, the nice,even dark brown colour and above all, the taste. That was what sparked off my interest for baking, the determination to replicate it.

I remember the very first time I baked, which was in JC where my classmates were my very first tasters, so to speak. My first attempt was disastrous, having added one stick of butter too many, it became like shortbread instead of cookie, and was very crumbly. Nonethless, they received the approval of many tastebuds and was the first of many to come. I suppose the extra butter made it more buttery and tasty and flavourful. During the 6 months long break, I would borrow various recipe books from the library and copy down the recipes which i felt were nice into my little baking recipe book. I experimented with different recipes, tried out brownies and cheesecakes...And my colleagues at NTUC income were my tasters, so to speak, and my dad was my greatest cookies fan. But ever since the first rather disastrous attempt, my other attempts were more sucessful, though none achieved the standard that I wanted- that of FA. Oh, I know that the standard is too high, no matter how much I tried, how much I crossed my fingers, none came near to it...the colour, the shape( I dun know how they can make it all so evenly shaped and tiny), Soon, I realized that copying FA was quite pointless. I could make MY own cookies, with MY own shape, taste , colour...whatever, as long as I liked it and my friends liked it, that's all that truly matters.

Well, anyway today's cookies turned out very nicely. It was all very crunchy, which was a relieve because there were a few times when I underbaked it, and it was kind of chewy. How nice would it be if I own a candy shop and sell cookies,cakes and chocs....but I think thats just a castle in the air, Singapore just doesnt have the kind of market and I don't have the guts to take risk,be an entrepureur. So i guess it would just remain my interest and hobby. It is certainly satisfying enough to share the cookies with my friends and seeing them enjoy it, I guess thats all that matters.

Raw cookie dough 

I managed to stick to my self-inflicted torture regime...getting in shape....Well, almost. I have been to the gym twice this week and plan to go swimming later in the week, make it a point to exercise 3 times a week. But, the thing is, my appetite is still as voracious as ever, no matter how hard I try to stop. As someone unkindly commented, my stomach is like a bottomless pit(wonder who said that?????Evil... Hmm). Nevertheless, I shall still try.....

My relationship with mum is better nowadays. We are now on very good terms as compared to the stormy period not too long ago. But it is as if it never even existed,the rift between us. Guess I am making more effort to include her in my life, knowing she's lonely, and not get my hackles raised when she questions my whereabouts and say I am always not at home even though thats not true. In fact, today, I tentatively brooched the topic of me going clubbing and she was ok with that( guess that is if i go like once in a blue moon. If I go everyweek,think she'd have a fit)....but I think thats a good start..whoaho.. Though I still feel I am not getting the freedom that I want, I guess we would have to compromise slowly and peacefully. But she always questions me about the guys I hang out with and all. And she is super inquisitive about who I chat to on msn. I happen to have many guy friends and if I say I was going out with a guy, she would go on alert mode and give me an inquisition. Ahh well, just have to learn how to act nonchalant and she would eventually cool it....Hopefully

yay!!! No more paper, can slack without feeling the tinge of guilt now. I only started studying last nighte and a little today. The questions were all environment based and pretty boring and I just started scribbling away frantically until time was up, though I ran out of steam for the last question.

After the paper, I went to plaza singapura to meet Kaetnians, a very very good turnout- Shiang, Derek, Kelvin, Stephen, Winnie, Jul, Gsy, Bianca to watch THE INCREDIBLES. It is really a incredibly nice show. I love edna, dash, violet and esp JACK-JACK, he's soooo cute...but I don't like Mr Incredible...haha,think he's just one big hulk of a superhero. After the movie, no one could decide where to go for dinner, it was so packed everywhere, so we just wondered from ps towards town area and in the end when to BK for dinner yet again. But I am not complaining, I had a riotous time and we were all mad, I think...there was a lot of laughter and merriment and I enjoyed myself thoroughly. Think we really bonded and us girls walked around orchard road with our arms linked together. Bianca had to go off early to study for her exam on Tues, dont worry gal, we will all be rooting for you and though we would not be there physically(like what steph suggested), we will be there spiritually and these 2 days will pass very soon.

Anyway I left not too long after she did as I felt very pooped and wanted to go home and rot. Had a big surprise when Liang told me he had something for me. I went to great world city to wait for him. Waited for nearly an hour where I was slapping myself for not going home to bathe and all that first and was pacing the floor when he turned up, very apologetically and holding nothing less than a whole chocolate cake from four-leaves. Now, only an ingrate would still be pissed off.. I was so totally touched that he actually bought the cake and brought it all the way to my house and he was so apologetic for being late even though it was not even his fault. And yes,the cake is delicious....thank you so much. My mom was all nosy to know all the details though I assured her that it was from a friend.. She seems to think that every guy whom I go out with or give me things is my bf...The B word which I will be discussing next time when I feel like it, is nowhere in sight. I am still a singleton and happy with it.

Hooray, its my last paper tomorrow, but not that it matters, I haven't been studying much for it anyway. Guess when you switch to slacking mode, its very hard to switch back into studying mood. It just dawned on me that my dec holidays is really going to be very packed, I shall make a list of things that I should do.

1. Look for temp-job or maybe tuition(I have been doing lots of therapy lately-->retail therapy and have a nigging suspicion that I am going to over-spend this month, what with all the outings with frens,bbq, chalet and not to mention christmas gifts and goodies)
2. Outing with kaetnians
3. Outing with optoians
4.Chalet with Kaetnians
5.JC reunion bbq
6.JC gang outings-yumin, jul, cindy
7.Sec sch frens outing
8.Go gym, roller-blading, swimming
9.Go suntanning
10. Maybe windsurfing(if i have the time)
11.Want to pick up tennis,but don't think have the time
12.Ooh yes, driving lessons( driving test on 27th...sigh)
13.Practise piano(My skills are lamentably rusty)
14.Curl up on the bed with novels,lots of them
15. Watch movies
16.Improve my salsa dancing
17.Spend quality time with mum, now that we are having a truce, I had better ba a dutiful daughter and have dinner at home at least twice a week, if not... she'd go again and start naggin at me for treating the house as a hotel...blah blah
18.Last but not least...GO CLUBBING(though mum hasnt officially approved, I think I am old enough to decide what I want and besides, I know my limits)

I think my blog should be renamed diary of a glutton instead of pathway into my mind. For the second day in a row, I went coffee club for lunch, this time, it was my mum's treat. I had lunch with her and her friend. I had a pasta and a managed to resist the cake, ordered a chocolate vanilla mocha instead. It is a iced-coffee with choc syrup and vanilla ice-cream, really thick and creamy. Later on, I walked by Beard Papa and couldnt resist the chocolate fondant again. It was like....calling out to me and calling me closer and ever closer. I am only human and its my greatest weakness....haha...The mind is willing,but the flesh is weak kind of thing. But its really really delicious.. All the warm goey valrhona oozing out...

I went to the gym in the afternoon to assuage my guilt. Had a really good workout. I am resolving to get myself in shape during this hols. Like a realllly toned body where u can wear anything and shake your booty *wink*. Like a certain petite sized girl in NUS who is soo toned, golden, and incidentally gorgeous as well called 'V'. Not that I can ever achieve that kind of size, but well, it would be great to be able to come close to it...Now, if only I can stop eating so much....... I shall be working on my new goal...TOugh,but I will grit my teeth and try my best

wow, my day was filled with more chocs, I am on chocolate overload..I feel sooo fat, must go on a diet soon, if not I will look like a chimpanzee with my daily indulgence. Hmm, maybe I will wait until christmas, after all, who can resist christmas cakes and food and all....

The day started off with meeting Adrian, who is back from Australia for lunch at coffee club. He is also a fellow choc lover like me. And the best of all is, he helped me buy the Rocklea roads from Aussie which I tried once there and never quite got it out of my system. Its like a bar of fluffy marshmellow coated generously with milk choc and peanuts and dessicated coconut. Its yummy, I tell u. We went to coffee club for lunch, I treated him as he did not charge me for the chocs which cost quite a fair bit. We had a main course each and dessert was muddie mudpie which we shared. We actually dithered quite a long time over which dessert to order as the selection was simply too huge and all were equally tempting. It is better than the one at nydc
and is like a huge tower of choc and coffee ice-cream drenched in chocolate fudge and cookie bits. But the best is yet to come. We went down to taka foodsquare and ordered this chocolate fondant cake from Beard Papa which by the way was introduced in last week's Sunday times life food section and which I have been wanting to try since I saw it. it was a deceptively small looking plain piece of cupcake. But when you bite into in, warm, liquid varlrhona oozes out and the base of the cake is actually a biscuit base. It was fabulicious. Not too sweet, and extremely chocolatey. At the introductory price of $2.20, it was really a steal. Both of us had huge silly grins on our face when we were eating it. It was simply orgasmic....mmmm. And I am ashamed to admit that while I was eating it, I kept making sounds of appreciation. It was gone all to soon, but I am definitely going back to buy it again.

Aftet that, I went to catch a movie with sy, stephen, kelvin, liang and his friend. Decided to watch Bridget jones diary. It was simply hilarious, full of the dry british humour that had me giggling loudly throughout the movie. I simply love Renee Zellweger and Hugh Grant who is always so suave and debonair and SEXY. The storyline was good, the acting was good, everything was good, but I don't understand why it was only rated two stars by the straits times. Hmm, it was really a truly great movie and I don't even mind going back to watch a second time. I am a sucker for movies with happy endings and there were parts which tugged at my heartstring. There are so many other movies to catch, like the Incredibles which everyone raved about..Hmm, its going to be a great holiday...

Wahoooo, finally finished SEA today. Can officially slack without guilt...Well at least until monday. Though my gem is a open book, I still have to well, look through the books rite? SEA was horrid, I managed to crap a lot for localisation. Managed reasonably well for the second question on Indochina, but I ran out of steam for the last question which was on case study of industrialisation of malaysia. I half heartedly wrote down a few points, but for some reasons, the answer just evaded me. Well, I won't lose too much sleep over that, I have much better things to do now then to sit around and mope.

I know that for this sem, I probably won't do well..but heck it. I just hope that this would be a lesson well learnt and that I would really PAY ATTENTION in lect and tutorial next sem. For now, its play, play and more play. Yes Jan,zonghan, bianca, clubbing beckons. Yipeee!!!

Hee, reading cleo mag now, been resisting its call for days. This is live, this is living, this is the mag....wahaha.. I am dancing with joy...bursting with happiness...that is , until the results are released. Meanwhile, carpe diem, live live to the fullest..

I am fighting to keep my eyes open and my brain focused even as I struggle to process the SEA notes in my evidently rusty brain. Had a hurried lunch of chinese dumpling in 15 mins..Oh..so looking forward to tonight, can finally give my over-cooked brain a rest. I jusy hope that I do'n't forget everything that I studied in my nervousness in the exam hall. Shall try my ps lecturer Dr kenneth paul tan's tip of drinking a shot of alcohol to relax the brain before going in, really hope it helps-Gordon Bleu Cognac, hmmm...But hope I don't end up falling asleep or feeling groggy..

8 things learnt from political science exam

1. Never ever try to cram all the concepts in in one day, it doesn't work and u end up being more confused.
2. Just concentrate on a few topics which u feel would come out and study hard for it(that is if u only have one day, if not, don't ever try it)
3. Just reading the notes get you nowhere, you have to read,understand, digest and be able to produce it even after closing the textbk(my biggest failure in studying, I never test myself to see how much I have actually remembered)
4. Waking up at 6 to study for my ps exam at9 didn't help at all, though I really concentrated. (again, this could be because of point 2)
5. Pay attention in lecture and tutorial( I always tend to switch off and give myself the excuse that I can always read the textbk and notes at home)
6. Ask and you will find out; question and you will understand(I tend to be very passive in tutorials, never querying, always accepting. Though I think that I never ask questions bec I don't even know what is going on.)
7. No use stressing yourself out in the exam hall if you cannot really answer the question, no matter how much you worry or panic, the answer won't come+ u will die younger.
8. No use blaming yourself for what has already happened, look ahead and learn from your mistakes, you can't turn back the clocks of time. You can only do your best to make sure the same thing doesn't happen again.


I am now a wiser person, I hope. And all you ppl out there, don't be like me. Someone said(can't remember who): "A stupid person learns from his own mistake, a smart person learns from other ppl's mistakes". I am not saying thats entirely through, but well.... I definitely hope that this will be a last lesson to me, that I would learn from my mistakes.

Everyone thinks I am exaggerating when I say I am going to flunk ps. But seriouly, I feel it deep in my bones that I am. When I sat down and looked through the questions, I looked for a long time before starting to write, deciding which question to do. It was horrible, I couldnt remember almost all my concepts and even for those which I could, I was not entirely sure if they were accurate. I slapped myself for not stuyding feminism, I had a feeling it would come out, but as usual, I didn't act on it. The thing about political science is that there are a lot of concepts that u have to be clear about, one can't just cram everything in in one day. Thats what happened to me, I guess. I read so many chapters without understanding the concepts that I just mixed everything up. While everybody around me was scribbling away furiously, I was erm leisurely writing at intervals. Suprisingly, despite my lack of preparation and being sure that I would not do well, I was quite cool about it. I guess this is what u would call resignation.....resignation to my fate. Though I am not sure my dad would see it the same way as I do. I have to think of a good speech to say to him, hmm, shall I act all teary-eyed and regretful or be matter-of -fact and confident and tell him that I am confident I would do better next sem. I know what he would say--> BULLSHIT and give me a huge lect...Sigh I am sure dreading that. Hopefully I will do so badly that I would have to retake it next semester. Does anyone knows if it would affect my cap score? But then again, it means going through the same stressful routine or worse as it would mean taking 6 modules next sem. Gosh, I hope it won't come to that. sigh, I shan't think about it anymore and block it out of my system until I get back the results.

Phew, just crammed 6 months worth of political science into my tiny brain tonight. Been studying almost non-stop since my last blog entry except for lunch and dinner and a few breaks here and there..... But seriously I don't know how much of it has gone in, I feel so overloaded with political terms now that I don't dare to shake my head too much for fear of it coming back out...wahaha...okie lameness is a good sign of relaxness??? Shall go to bed now, don't think anymore stuff can go in....Pray for all the best. Well I tried my best, at least for today, and if I really flunk it, at most take it again next semester, no big deal rite? Thank for all my darrlings who prayed for me and gave me encouragement when I needed it most. Going to bed feeling really blessed.

A lot of things happened in the short span of a morning and I don't even know where to start. When I woke up early in the morning, wanting to mug for ps before going down for breakfast, which I didn't make much progress for yesterday, I heard the sounds of raised voices again. Stepdad and mom were quarrelling again, over some household matters. Then I heard something that shocked me, my stepdad told my mom off for being such a lousy mother, for not bothering to talk to me and show concern towards me(we have not been on speaking terms for a week and only talk in mono-syllabus) and told her that she should take the initiative to speak to me. I was so touched that silly old moi shed a few tears of gratitude.

When I finally made an appearance in the living room, he had already gone out Mom was there and she started ranting at me for making her the cause of a scolding. As if it's my fault. I haven't been complaining to anyone except my blog, which if I don't, I will surely burst with all the emotions inside me. This time, we really had a shouting match. In the past, whenever she scolded me, I'd mostly keep quiet and try to take it in stride, but today, all the things inside my head which were clamouring to be let out finally did. She told me (for the upteenth time) to go back to my dad's house. She told me that I was mercenary, she told me that she disliked me, she told me that she regretted taking custody of me…. What kind of f**ked up mother would say that to her kid? I don’t know, but I retorted that I would leave.

And I really wish I could, I have been seriously considering it for quite a while, but I don't want to go back to my dad's place. I think going back once a week is enough and If I see him more than that, our current good relationship would deteriorate as he is even more of an authoritarian and control-freak, and I can just foresee future issues about my freedom coming up and many others. Right now, I mostly give in to him for peace's sake. I wonder if it is too late to register for a room at pgp. But that, I think, would be a last resort as it is quite expensive and I can’t jolly well ask from my dad or my mom.

I am supposed to be studying now, but I can’t. My eyes are swollen and my heart is in a turmoil……Getting ready to flunk political science

Today was the start of exam and my first paper was lit. I was not really that worried for lit as I think the essay could be crapped even if you totally have no idea about what to write. But well, I managed to write quite a lot of things which I hope is relevant. But I am feeling distinctly anxious about the rest of my papers though, esp PS and SEA which I totally don't understand at all and which is uncrappable. Like how to you crap about marxism, bureaucracy, regionalism, politcal legitamacy if you don't even know any cold hard facts...oh dear, iam scaring myself.

But well, I have only myself to blame. Didn't study hard enough, didn't make enough effort, been slacking this whole semester. This has happened to me so many times before,for O and A levels. Not studying when I have the time, even when the books is just in front of me. I can stare at the same page of the textbook for very long,but yet nothing goes in. I only starts studying in earnest when the exam is like the next day and only then I start panicking and studying at top speed, by then it'd be too late. Well, I got lucky for the 'O's , I scrapped through the 'A's but I have the nagging feeling I won't live this one through. I have made so many resolutions not to procrastinate, but I have never kept any of them. My motto is 'there is always tomorrow' which is BAD. I am scaring myself, at this point in time, I am still reading story books. Yes, I dug out my book of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and reread it for the upteenth time. Come to think of it, I read harry potter before the 'A's too, but I think that was the Goblet of Fire....I am simply not learning from past mistakes and letting history repeat itself.

I always have such low expectations of myself, like I would be very happy if I get a B for my essay, even for the exam. But my friend just told me that a friend of hers has been getting As this whole sem for her assignments and when she got a B+, she was quite freaked out.. That conversation gave me a big scare and jotted me to my senses. Do i want to get mediocre grades all my life and be a nobody? Nono, I've always had been dreams about being SOMEBODY, not that it'd come through, but it doesnt hurt to have dreams and ideals and even if you work hard but fall short of it, it is still somewhere. As yx put it, there is no stopping me except myself. All I have to do is to overcome this barrier within me and I am on the way to the tops. yayyy

5 more days to go before my impt papers finish. Hope I can remain sane until then...

I go through the same vicious cycle everyday, of curbing my appetite in the daytime, and spoiling it at night. Went to study in the central lib today, was considerably more productive today, studying socie. I skipped lunch as I always felt very tired after a heavy lunch and napped in the library instead. My 'lunch' consisted of digestive biscuits, milk and cadbury mini eggs agaaain. Went home at 5, satisfied with a day's work, with my stomach rumbling in anticipation of a hearty dinner. Even ignored the urge to buy anymore chocolate or snacks. Had a huge disappointment when I saw dinner- mom had decided to go vegetarian today…yucks,yucks,yucks, beansprouts, tofu, some stringy green vegs, all disgustingly healthy stuff. The only meat was the chicken from the chicken soup. I am not against veggies, I think that It should be a part of our diet, but when you starve the whole day in sch expecting a hearty dinner, u get very disappointed at a meatless dinner. I was in need of dessert after dinner. AND THERE WAS NO CHOCOLATE IN SIGHT. Had to settle for some biscuits which so totally didn't hit the mark. Was so traumatized that I only started studying at 11. And now….starting to panic again…..Dear me…

Moral of the story: Never resist the urge to stock up on chocolates.

Went to school to study today. Bad mistake, not least because I failed to achieve anything substantial in the library,but because I was caught in the rain on the way home...bummer. My small umbrella proved useless against the relentless beatings of the rain and I was shivering in the air-conditioned bus. On the way home, was trying to take a nap to prep myself for another long marathon of studying at night. No such luck, i was sandwiched between two imps who were busy teasing each other, making funny faces at each other, talking to each other in nonsensical garble which was probably intelligible only to themselves. One of the imp's mother kept shushing the him, threatening to embarrass him in the bus(whatever it means) while the other boy's mother simply couldn't be bothered. So the boy whose mother couldn't be bothered kept baiting the other boy while he kept rising to the bait and as a result was scolded by his mother and also disturbed my peace. But I felt that the mother was being too domineering. If her kid wants to interact with another kid, let him be...I see no harm in that(other than disturbing my peace). Why did she have to keep admonishing him in a no-nonsense voice which didn't help at all, as he continued to squirm about in his seat and laughing at the antics of the other kid.

I didn't manage to stay off chocolate after all, the craving was simply too much and I went to the coop to buy the cadbury mini-eggs, all Jan's fault for introducing me to that ;p....anyway think its nicer than m&ns The first one that I ate was simply.....bliss...ahhhh

So the combination of excessive junk food, stress, lack of sleep, plus getting caught in the rain has led to my usual symtoms of falling sick...like being extremely thirsty and very tired. When I start getting these symtoms, I usually start drinking tons of water and taking more vit c and it usually works. so hopefully this would keep the bug away, I can't afford to fall sick now. I still have so many things left undone.

Anyway it was Stephen's birthday today and it was a very enjoyable lunch with Kaetnians as we goofed around and posed for pics with him, and sang a birthday song for him at the deck and thus attracting lots of attention which rendered him quite 'paiseh'. At least the trip to school was not wasted....

I am bored...

I am seriously bored

Feel like screaming

Feel like throwing my books out of the window

Why is it so difficult to get through these 11 days

Stressed....Shall go gym tmr to work out the stress...or should I go swimming? lazy arhhh, hard to get my butt of the chair.....

Ok back to work

yay!!! Finally a chocolate free day.. *pop champagne*

ok I am officially mad. Shall go to bed now, no point studying when nothing is obviously going in.

Hopefully tmr will be a better day. Shall tell myself I can do it...

Another unproductive week gone back. Ok, not that I totally have been slacking away and not touching my books at all, but I seriously wonder how much of what I have studied really went through my brain and been processed....Not much, I reckon. While ppl have been working really hard, the packed library can attest to that when you see everyone mugging away,its enough to make one's blood pressure go up. And no one's updating their blogs at all...its so boring when u go blog-surfing expecting to read on other ppl's juicy happenings when there is nothing new to read. Sigh.

Next week is the start of a new week, and I totally promise myself that I will really get down and tackle my books. It is not easy, in fact it'd be a major feat, to complete the readings of 5 modules in 2 weeks. But shit, unless I want to get kicked out of uni,i'd better get my act together fast. I shall think of the wonderful things to come after the exams. Go windsurfing,go wakeboarding, go clubbing, go max brenner with Jan, go outings with optoians, go chalet with kaetnians,pick up tennis, bake cookies/brownies/chessecakes(hope I haven't lost my touch) and so many more.....wow, can hardly wait

Now, hopefully thoughts of the good things to come will inspire me to greater heights...

Phew, finally everything is back to its normal state. Hope that everything would be alright for the rest of his time in Singapore. But this episode made me once again appreciate the presence of my friends. I received a pleasant surprise today from a friend whom I only knew recently through windsurfing. He read about my unpleasant day in my blog yesterday and downloaded a whole bunch of super super nice songs on a cd for my(which I am listening to now) and even got me some choc teddy cookies(the whole world knows about my obsession with all things choc), and went all the way to the lib to pass it to me. I was really touched that he went to all these troubles to cheer me up. The CD contains a lot of my all-time faves sentimenal, love songs and oldies....Ahhhh....how can I ever thank you enough. It might be a small gesture, but I appreciate it a lot. Thanks a lot, Liang, if u happen to be reading this, its really really really sweet of you.

Went to sch for the socie review lect and studied for a while in the lib. Wow,the sheer number of people mugging away there was really amazing and well, it did stress me out. Hopefully this would make me more motivated to study.

These days, I am bulldozing through at least a packet of chocolate daily, cadbury mini eggs, droste bittersweet pastilles, Hersheys kisses, Lindt choc....u name it. Its a wonder I haven't expanded horizontally. But I will soon if I don't stop SOON. Wonder what would happen if I don't get my daily serving, don't think I can survive anyway, will suffer from withdrawal syndrome. Will try to kick this addiction after the exam. Right now, I need this buzz that I get everytime I pop one into my mouth.

Feeling very down again. The day started out so nicely. It was in the afternoon that my mum and my stepdad started quarelling. He is back from Shanghai where he has a business there and would be in Singapore for two weeks before taking off again and I was hoping that it would be a peaceful two weeks, I was wrong. He is, I believe, suffering from severe obsessive compulsive behaviour where everything must be very clean, orderly and done his way, you get my drift. He is actually very nice to me, but when he is pissed, he can just rant on and on, not at me, but at my mum. So my mum usually bears the brunt of his temper regardless of whether she is at 'fault'.

I cam back from the gym to the sounds of raised voices and my heart quailed..not again, I thought. This time it was because of hair in the sink that I didn't remove, *roll eyes*, its soon moved off to other matters. Once he starts, he is unstoppable and will proceed to strip off every ounce of dignity my mum has. Of course my heart goes out to her, I tried but failed to find the right words to say. Besides, she was so hostile towards me that I didn't even dare to approach her. When my stepdad scolds her, she is usually very hostile towards me, and will usually take it out on me, probably because he scolds her instead of me. I feel that it is so unfair...I didn't even do anything wrong but she would just start giving me the cold treatment. So the whole afternoon, I had to tread around carefully and keep out of war's way.

Dinner was a chore. The tension was so thick that you could cut it with a knife. I kept my head down and minded my own business. They were still quarelling then. There was obviously no love lost between them. I wondered why two people who don't love each other anymore still stayed together. I felt perilously close to tears and shaken. I have gone through this many times in my years of living with them, but each time it happens, I always feel at a lost. Why is life so complicated? Why can't I have a normal family? Feeling so lost right now, wish I can have a shoulder to cry on.....

Don't have the mood to study now. Can't wait to get out of the house, its stifling me...

Too sinful???  

Chocolates

Chocolate Trivia

1.The Aztecs considered chocolate an aphrodisiac and subsequently all chocolate based foods were strictly forbidden to women.
2.Ironically, according to several studies, chocolate is the number one food craved by women.
3.Chocolate contains the same mood lifting chemical, phenylethylamie, produced by the brain when you fall in love.
4.Chocolate is an excellent source of vitamin E and a good source of phosphorous, calcium and iron.
5.There is no proof that chocolate causes or aggravates acne. Nor that it causes tooth decay. In fact, there are indications that the cocoa butter in the chocolate coats the teeth and may help plaque from forming.
6.Research at the University of California has found that chocolate carries high levels of chemicals known as phenolics, or antioxidants like those found in red wine, and may help lower the risk of heart disease.
7.White chocolate is not true chocolate because it contains no cocoa solids. Instead, it's usually a mixture of sugar, cocoa butter, milk solids, lecithin and vanilla, hence it's sweetness.
8.Chocolate should be stored, tightly wrapped, in a cool, dry place. If stored at warm temperatures, chocolate will develop a pale grey "bloom" caused when the cocoa butter rises to the surface. Under ideal conditions, dark chocolate can be stored for 10 years. However, because of the milk solids in both milk chocolate and white chocolate, the shouldn't be stored for longer than 9 months

Before you take a bite - smell the chocolate, breath in its aroma and take a good look at it. Is it shiny or dull? What is its color and texture? Much like a wine connoisseur, chocolate lovers consider appearance, smell and taste. True chocolate aficionados let the chocolate melt on their tongue and enjoy the various degrees of intensity and sensual feelings while it liquefies.
Professional chocolate connoisseurs have many terms to describe the texture, quality and feel of chocolate. Let's look at the texture of a chocolate bar first, how does it break? Does it crumble and splinter or is it a clean break coming off with a hard and clear "crack"? If it does, it's an almost sure sign of an excellent quality. Is the praline shiny and does it have a thin shell of chocolate surround it? Is it beginning to melt if you hold it between your fingers a few seconds? If it doesn't, it may contain a lot of vegetable fat.
Let's taste it now -- slowly let a square melt in your mouth or take a small bite from a praline. Does it melt nicely and smoothly, or does it leave a granular or "floury" feeling in your mouth? Granular residues may be the sign of too much sugar, which in turn may make you thirsty. Does it stick to your palate and require considerable pains to dislodge it from the roof of your mouth?..It shouldn't. Does it melt easily and change without much effort from solid to liquid without chewing it? If it doesn't, its too "dry." but the opposite, "fatty" will just leave that kind of taste in your mouth. It goes without mention . . . the less granular the texture, the smoother, the less fatty and softer melting, the better the chocolate!

Its been proven that chocolates releases endorphins. Good chemical to relieve our stress during exam time. All the more reasons to load up on it

Had a morning run. The transporter was occupied again, whats new. Seems like the gym is always so crowded these days, hmmm, everybody wants to get fit. Anyway, the person who occupied the transporter was like just 2 secs before me...damned damned damned...If only I had not lazed about in bed, still debating whether I was not lazy enough to go anot. But I ran 6 km, so proud of myself....alright, thtat was including the warm-up and cool-down,but still....I even brought along my mp3 to run to the sounds of black-eyed peas, beyonce, usher and such... Good thing too, cos someone was playing a Christmas songs in the gym. CHISTMAS SONGS???? So anti-climax...hello...its almost 1 1/2 months to go before christmas. Besides..its not exactly the best choice of songs in the gym eh? Puts one in a dreamy mood....haha

Anyway will be studying now.Hopefully I can make some headway. I will have some motivation today. Will be watching Shark's tale with Kaetnians today, so cool...think it'd be quite a good turnout. And will be doing a bit-o shopping with mum. Nothing like retail therapy to put one in a good mood.

Listening to: beyonce-Crazy in Love
Mood: Happy,optimistic

While everybody's been busy mugging for the exam, I have to admit that I am still taking things very easy. Thanx Adrian for your reminder. I lack wilpower, I lack motivation, I lack the drive. As my dad put it, I simply lacked the thirst for knowledge. These days,my results are mediocre, or worst still, below average for my essays despite stressing my ass off. Gone are the days where I could get high marks for my essays in secondary school. And for some reason, I always wait until the very last minute to do my assignments or even the presentation. It seems like when I have a lot of time on my hands, I will simply do other less important or even frivolous stuff. I only get started on it the day before it is due and I end up being so stressed or so pressed for time that I don't do a good job.

Taking about the presentation, I woke up later then my stipulated time of 6, which means I had no time to go through my presentation. I was seriously in a blind panic and very stressed. I was tense throughout and half of the time, didn't even know what I was talking about. I was suffering from acute stage fright. Anyway its something which I have no wish to go through again. I have always had difficulty expressing my view in front of a audience for as long as I can remember. Wait a minute, do I even have a view in the first place....Most of the time I am a passive listener, never questioning, never doubting, simply accepting. Sometimes not even listening....I do wish I can express myself as vocally as some people I know. I really admire them for their guts, but somehow, I don't know why, I just can't do it.

Now I have to try to study..seriously study before its too late...

Phew....another super long and tough day. Finally handed in my lit essay today after a dunno how many hours battle with it. And I couldn't rest after that. I had a SEA presentation the next day in a tutorial class who bombards you with questions after the presentation, and we were quite unprepared. In fact, we only officially met up and came up with the points today. Actually, I kept spacing out and couldn't think properly. We discussed until 6 and decided to call it a day and maybe discuss on MSN again later on.

The highlight of the day was going to Munchie Monkey Cafe for dinner. Hooray!!! We decided we needed to treat ourselves after everything. We ordered a calamari, a pizza and a pasta to be shared among three people, keeping in mind that dessert was on the agenda. The calamari was nice(tasted like the spaggedies' one anyway) but would have been better served with mayonnaise. The maincourse was well...it passed muster,but nothing spectacular there. Wahaha, I sound like a food-critic, even to myself. Wow how cool would it be to be a food critic, can go around sampling food. Ok stop dreaming.... Ok and the desserts were GREAT. I ordered a Italian chocolate cake with ice-cream. When I took the first bite, i was like wow. Very orgasmic...haha. It was warmed and the chocolatey and sticky cake went together with the cold ice-cream like yin and yang. It was just so delicious. I savoured every bite of it. The brownie was pretty good as well, and it came in quite a large portion. My only complain about the Italian chocolate cake is that it was too small, I couldn't get enough of it.

After the wonderful dinner, it was back to work again. But I realized after trying to read my readings for more background knowledge, that I was still at the same page after one hour. My brain had simply stopped functioning. Decided to have a good sleep and wake up at 6 to do it before the presentation, which would be at 9.

Dreamland, here i come