Feeling very down again. The day started out so nicely. It was in the afternoon that my mum and my stepdad started quarelling. He is back from Shanghai where he has a business there and would be in Singapore for two weeks before taking off again and I was hoping that it would be a peaceful two weeks, I was wrong. He is, I believe, suffering from severe obsessive compulsive behaviour where everything must be very clean, orderly and done his way, you get my drift. He is actually very nice to me, but when he is pissed, he can just rant on and on, not at me, but at my mum. So my mum usually bears the brunt of his temper regardless of whether she is at 'fault'.

I cam back from the gym to the sounds of raised voices and my heart quailed..not again, I thought. This time it was because of hair in the sink that I didn't remove, *roll eyes*, its soon moved off to other matters. Once he starts, he is unstoppable and will proceed to strip off every ounce of dignity my mum has. Of course my heart goes out to her, I tried but failed to find the right words to say. Besides, she was so hostile towards me that I didn't even dare to approach her. When my stepdad scolds her, she is usually very hostile towards me, and will usually take it out on me, probably because he scolds her instead of me. I feel that it is so unfair...I didn't even do anything wrong but she would just start giving me the cold treatment. So the whole afternoon, I had to tread around carefully and keep out of war's way.

Dinner was a chore. The tension was so thick that you could cut it with a knife. I kept my head down and minded my own business. They were still quarelling then. There was obviously no love lost between them. I wondered why two people who don't love each other anymore still stayed together. I felt perilously close to tears and shaken. I have gone through this many times in my years of living with them, but each time it happens, I always feel at a lost. Why is life so complicated? Why can't I have a normal family? Feeling so lost right now, wish I can have a shoulder to cry on.....

Don't have the mood to study now. Can't wait to get out of the house, its stifling me...