A lot of things happened in the short span of a morning and I don't even know where to start. When I woke up early in the morning, wanting to mug for ps before going down for breakfast, which I didn't make much progress for yesterday, I heard the sounds of raised voices again. Stepdad and mom were quarrelling again, over some household matters. Then I heard something that shocked me, my stepdad told my mom off for being such a lousy mother, for not bothering to talk to me and show concern towards me(we have not been on speaking terms for a week and only talk in mono-syllabus) and told her that she should take the initiative to speak to me. I was so touched that silly old moi shed a few tears of gratitude.

When I finally made an appearance in the living room, he had already gone out Mom was there and she started ranting at me for making her the cause of a scolding. As if it's my fault. I haven't been complaining to anyone except my blog, which if I don't, I will surely burst with all the emotions inside me. This time, we really had a shouting match. In the past, whenever she scolded me, I'd mostly keep quiet and try to take it in stride, but today, all the things inside my head which were clamouring to be let out finally did. She told me (for the upteenth time) to go back to my dad's house. She told me that I was mercenary, she told me that she disliked me, she told me that she regretted taking custody of me…. What kind of f**ked up mother would say that to her kid? I don’t know, but I retorted that I would leave.

And I really wish I could, I have been seriously considering it for quite a while, but I don't want to go back to my dad's place. I think going back once a week is enough and If I see him more than that, our current good relationship would deteriorate as he is even more of an authoritarian and control-freak, and I can just foresee future issues about my freedom coming up and many others. Right now, I mostly give in to him for peace's sake. I wonder if it is too late to register for a room at pgp. But that, I think, would be a last resort as it is quite expensive and I can’t jolly well ask from my dad or my mom.

I am supposed to be studying now, but I can’t. My eyes are swollen and my heart is in a turmoil……Getting ready to flunk political science