I thought I could be strong. I thought I could be happy. I though there would be no more unhappy lapses. I thought I would be able to take everything in stride regardless of what happens. I was wrong. I was like a zombie today, so detached from my surroundings, just going through the motions of everyday life mechanically. Feel so weary, feel so tired. Getting scolded by mum early in the morning(a continuation from yesterday night)just compounded the feeling of being down. And what she says really hurts me to the core, everytime, without fail, though its always the same old thing. And I thought I could sneak out of the house early in the morning without seeing her. I can go home later, I can always hide in my room. Its like escapism, but there are some things you just cant run away from. The whole world could tell I was not myself today, except the person who matters the most. Had a rude shock at the library today when I saw the sheer number of people mugging for the exams. A reminder that exam is ever nearer, but I am not prepared at all, so many things bothering me, so many things on my mind that cannot be dispelled at will. I wish a semblance of normacy would come soon, but that would of course take time....feel so vulnerable..sigh

Had a nice dinner at Fong seng with izzy though. Went to the nasi lemak place and had a nice oily dinner plus a nice fattening chendol to go along with. Then on the way home, I treated myself to a bar of Kitkat chunky, though it didnt taste as satisfying as it should have, I did feel marginally better. The endorphins in the choc working wonders perhaps.. After all that, an emergency gym session is called for early in the morning tmr...hopefully I can drag myself out of bed. A workout would do me wonders, distract me from my problems...and give me another rush of endorphins which would numb the pain that I am feeling...I know today's entry is quite disjointed, incoherent. But fact is, I am feeling very disjointed now...