I thought I could be strong. I thought I could be happy. I though there would be no more unhappy lapses. I thought I would be able to take everything in stride regardless of what happens. I was wrong. I was like a zombie today, so detached from my surroundings, just going through the motions of everyday life mechanically. Feel so weary, feel so tired. Getting scolded by mum early in the morning(a continuation from yesterday night)just compounded the feeling of being down. And what she says really hurts me to the core, everytime, without fail, though its always the same old thing. And I thought I could sneak out of the house early in the morning without seeing her. I can go home later, I can always hide in my room. Its like escapism, but there are some things you just cant run away from. The whole world could tell I was not myself today, except the person who matters the most. Had a rude shock at the library today when I saw the sheer number of people mugging for the exams. A reminder that exam is ever nearer, but I am not prepared at all, so many things bothering me, so many things on my mind that cannot be dispelled at will. I wish a semblance of normacy would come soon, but that would of course take time....feel so vulnerable..sigh

Had a nice dinner at Fong seng with izzy though. Went to the nasi lemak place and had a nice oily dinner plus a nice fattening chendol to go along with. Then on the way home, I treated myself to a bar of Kitkat chunky, though it didnt taste as satisfying as it should have, I did feel marginally better. The endorphins in the choc working wonders perhaps.. After all that, an emergency gym session is called for early in the morning tmr...hopefully I can drag myself out of bed. A workout would do me wonders, distract me from my problems...and give me another rush of endorphins which would numb the pain that I am feeling...I know today's entry is quite disjointed, incoherent. But fact is, I am feeling very disjointed now...

Having turned and tossed in bed until 3am last nite, I was quite surprised to find myself waking up before 8, and feeling extremely chirpy. I bounced into the kitchen cheerily and my mother looked askance at me. Apparently she thought I was mad, cos one is not supposed to be so energetic in the morning and especially not on a Monday morning....

Today is so gonna be a great day!!

Dreaming of You ( Selena )

Late at night when all the world's sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I wish on a star that somewhere you are
Thinking of me too

'Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's no where in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room, dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you ever see me
And I wonder if you know I'm there
If you looked in my eyes would you see what's inside?
Would you even care?

I just wanna hold you close
But so far all I have is dreams of you
I wait for the day, the courage to say
How much I love you

'Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's no where in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room, dreaming about you and me

Late at night when all the world's sleeping
I stay up and think of you
I still can't believe that you came up to me
And said I love youI love you too

Now I'm dreaming with you tonight
'Til tomorrow and for all of my life
And there's no where in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room dreaming with you endlessly

I'm dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's no where in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room, dreaming about you and me

Now I'm dreaming with you tonight
'Til tomorrow and for all of my life
And there's no where in the world
I'd rather be
Then here in my room dreaming with you endlessly

Such a lovely lovely song. One of my perennial favourites... It is all the more meaninful now cos it speaks for me. Would I ever have the courage?? Would all I have be dreams? I shall wait to find out...

Yup, so we did go Cafe cartel at suntec after all, and I did have my ribs and pizza..Woohoo.. Saw the finalists for the Lianhe Zaobao glamour quest contestants there too. I managed to guess correctly the winner for the females, a 14 year old australian. But it was harder to guess for the males as lets face it, they all look the same-tall, hunky and droolicious bods. That is with the exception of one who had the height, and the face of a Michelangelo's sculpture, but sadly, the body of a girl, enough said.

On the way home, Dad took a wrong turn and he brought me on an 'educational tour' around the red-light district. I was filled with a mixture of fascination and disgust. Call me sheltered, but I had never really seen one before and certainly not bevies of them crowding the alleys. Heavily painted ones, thin ones, fat ones, really decent looking ones. I even saw a proposition taking place. It was certainly an eye opener. The disgust was because there were an eually many number of men around, lao ah peks, lewd boorish ones and even the occasional expatriates, and of course the sleazy hotels.

I saw a BMW 6 series convertible on the roads today. Man oh man, it is such a beauty, what wouldnt I give to sit in one, or drive one for that matter. Its so sleek and elegant and I love convertibles. Pity the guy driving was some ugly middle aged, balding, paunching man(I am a big meanie). They all are anyway, those who can afford to drive one..Its one thing I have always noticed, cos I would always notice nice cars first, and then the drivers second. hahaha....Speaking of driving, I still havent driven on the roads since I passed my driving test, sigh. Mom won't let me drive the Volvo cos she said its too big and powerful for me to handle. And dad keeps prevaricating when I said I wanted to drive his car and kept saying something about buying a matchbox car for me...sigh...and wonder who was the one who insisted I learn driving in the first place.

oooh...lovely car..sleek and elegant and real ex too 

Haha..called Dad just know and had a chat with him. He so lack social life. I asked him what he did for the day and he replied sheepishly that he had a game of golf...sigh...no life..and if he bugs me anymore about taking it up, I will scream... call me ignorant, but I still don't see the fun of standing in the hot sun and running after a little ball. He needs a life and a woman to tame him...man!!

I told him I had a surprise for him(the choc fudge) and he perked up immediately thinking it was cookies..but i refused to divulge anything more than to say it was something he had never tried before and he told me he wanted more of it...tsktsk...greedy person, my dad.

Wheee!!! Nice dinner tomorrow night at suntec city. No special occasion other than because he has cravings for nice food, and he told me I could call the shots...hahah...i am already dreaming of ribs at Tony Romas...or pizza at Moonfish.....no nydc though..dad hates nydc, thinks its too funky and noisy for him..sigh... I miss nydc's baked pasta and mudpies..He likes cafe cartel though, because of the ribs...hmm.. i miss the death by choc milkshake..maybe cartel it will be....hee

Gosh, I sound damn food deprived, all that missing this and that...just ignore me...I am on a roll

And so I spent the time that I was not using to study to make chocolate fudge again. And this time, its way way nicer than the previous time..Reason being, I used top grade chocolate to make it- valronha chocolate, thus making it wickedly decadent. Plus roasted hazelnuts to top it off...what can i say? Totally unbeatable, unsurpassable ....hahah... I know, why go to all these trouble when I can easily buy it, but nothing beats the satisfaction of tasting your own creation..and sharing it, of course...

I was left alone for lunch today, mum went off for luncheon, and so for the 100th time within the month(gross exageration, but still..), I wandered into Cinnabun Tree Cafe at great world city. The cute guy at the counter, having recognized me as the freako who never gets sick of eating cinnamon buns, smiled widely at me, hands poised over the chocolate cinnabun roll which I almost always ordered. After a quick scan of everything, I went for a hazelnut-valronha chocolate muffin instead and it was one of the nicest muffin I have ever eaten,moist and chocolatey...mm..what a satisfying lunch. Mum came home with a few cakes. One of which is durian cake which I tucked into immediately.....deliciously creamy and rich....oh, my poor overworked tummy.....hahah

Apart from that, I still havent started studying yet. Where art thou my motivation...

After two weeks of inactivity, I finally made it to the gym after all the excuses that I gave myself for the past week. It was a pretty good workout, ran 5 km and I felt way way better after the run, like all the toxins in the body gotten rid of and hopefully the fats 'melting' away. And now I feel more alert and less tired. But I must be quite out of shape because I can feel the muscles aches setting in already though all I did was some crunches and push-ups.

Last night I was so tired after coming home that I went off to bed at 12am and woke up at 8 this morning, so had a very very good sleep. Had a great day yesterday. TS was quite enjoyable as for once, I could sit back and relax and watch other ppl's performance. Socie was pretty interesting for once,though my mind kept drifting off and derek kept having to flip the pages for me. hahah. Went to town after that and had such a great time though we basically just ..hung about..really touched that I am 'worth it' enough for you to accompany me to orchard on my whim despite your heavy workload. My mind is clearer about certain issues too, some things just cannot be rushed and i shouldnt keep jumping to wrong conclusions.

Special thanks to Isabelle for being such a great friend, for her listening ear,for being so self-less. For rushing down to orchard after tuition from Bukit Batok though she was so tired. For all our gossip sessions, for our sentosa trip(and many more to come), for being that sun-shine girl that she is. I really appreciate all that you have done for me. You once told me that you have very few close female friends,I hope that I am considered one of them, and I would be honoured to =). I hope that I would be able to be there for you when you need me, just as you have done for me. Here is to our long-lasting friendship...

1 hr into sitting at my desk with an open textbook and my computer switched on in front of my and still at the same page of the textbook where I started off. I knew this isnt going to work. I am super distracted.

I feel like eating, I feel like readings my mag, I feel like blogging, I feel like sleeping, I feel like chatting. I want to do everything except study.....Arghhh... I am suffering from chocolate withdrawal syndroms. Why isnt there any food around the house, food as in biscuits, chocolates. Sigh, thats the problem with me. If i buy snacks, I know I will finish it in a jiffy, thats why I try not to buy nowadays. But if I don't buy, and I feel like eating something, like now, I get extremely fidgety and irritable... no mood to study....thats right, there I go procrastinating again, thats right, I know I eat alot....So sue me...

very happy wearing the skirt, though its only for a few mins 

Here is a pic of me in the changing room wearing a $80 skirt which made me feel like doing an Indian dance, just swishing the skirt around..haha 

Wheee!!! Corica's is finally here. It is this shop selling apple strudels which is tops in Perth and it is right here at taka foodhall. I don't know about the apple strudels as they nowhere near my favourite dessert list, but their pastries are great. I tried the Amore and mudpie. The amore is a shortcake pastry filled with chocolate cream and I am drooling even as I type. The mudpie is a dense, chocolatey and rich confection with a dollop of cream frosting on top...mmm.. Need I say more? Oh, and they are not paying me to advertise for them...hahah

I met up with izzy for a shopping trip today. Managed to have time to pop by orchard lib to borrow quite a number of books. Yes, exams in a month's time and I still have time to read novels *shrugs*. We sat down at one of the benches outside the foodhall for lunch and managed to have a girly chat. It was great laughing freely and not thinking about projects, tests and deadlines for once. Enjoyed myself a lot, seldom have these girly chats anymore and both our wavelengths are quite similiar, so we have a lot of common topics. As we headed on to shopping, it was mainly window shopping for both of us and we tried on quite a number of clothes. But in the end, I got a pair of shoes and a Mango top while Izzy didnt get anything though she was the one who needed to get clothes. Oh well, at least the shoes were on my list of 'needs' as opposed to 'wants' while I got the top at izzy's urgings, but then again, I didnt need much persuasion as I liked it alot. But we only live once anyway, so....

We went to watch Lemony Snicket's a series of unfortunate events with yumin which I enjoyed very much. It was sentimental, sad, scary and hiliarious all at once. I thought it was pretty touching and the intriguing plot kept us glued. I was so drained after the movie that walking around Hereen's with Izzy took some effort and all I wanted to do was to sink down into a comfy seat. Though we saw somemore nice tops, I wasnt tempted at all...

But all in all, I had a GREAT day, but alas, as someone's nick on msn just reminded me, its time to head back to the books as exams is just in 5 weeks. I can see an impending battle ahead. But I would be fighting a winning battle this time. Hope I can still continue to be this positive in time to come.

Had a really really relaxing weekend. No studying at all...now feeling really recharged and ready to tackle anything that comes my path again. It was a weekend of sloth and gluttony, much to the detriment of my waistline...

On Saturday, Dad and I went to Crystal jade again. It was his bday and I was expecting somewhere more fanciful, but then again, its good enough. Did i mention that their shanghai xiao long bao is the best? Tender, juicy and sweet. It was still piping hot when I bit into it and I got my tongue scalded, but that didnt deter me at all. As usual, I had my fave dumpling lamian, I think their dumpling is the best as well..I got Dad a beard papa fondant as a sort of birthday cake, and he wanted more..sigh..the unlimited wants of man. But at least he was happy with the Osim mesage pen I got for him to use in the office. The gadget actually vibrates, and is to be used on the accupoints, i think its pretty cool..

Sunday nite, we went to this kopitiam for curry fish head. I drenched my rice with so much curry and dad kept piling fish on my plate that I felt like such a pig after dinner..sigh, and I hate feeling like a pig. But the curry was pretty nice and thick. I would have prefered it spicier and with a crusty baguette to go with the curry though. Gotta find some thing to go gym soon. Actually I could have gone on saturday, but surprisingly, I took a 2hr nap and after that didnt quite have the energy or mood to go..

Witnessed something interesting on the MRT train on saturday. Two grown up, civilised men had a terse exchange of vulgarities in my carriage. Apparently guy A, who was carrying a child, scolded guy B who was sitted, and who did not want to give up his seat. I didnt get to hear the first part as it was guy B who first attracted my attention, and the attention of all other passengers in our carriage as well..

B: (in a very very loud voice))F*** u, u go F*** yourself. Why scold ppl for not giving up their seat. Whats the big deal with carrying a child..
A: You are not a man......(plus other F***s as well..)

Erm..thats just the gist of it, the exchange of the F word. Guy B did most of the talking, at the top of his voice and managed to include F*** in just about every sentence of his speech. I thought guy B was quite a loony actually as he still kept harping on and on about it long after guy A had left the train. Plus he was alone, thus he was harping on and on to nobody in particular, which makes him a pyscho... And whats wrong with Guy A anyway, if people doesnt want to give up their seat then let it be, its their right to do so anyway(albeit selfish right), it reflects on them and their upbringing, why pick a fight with a L-O-S-E-R anyway... Plus he was uttering all the vulgarities while carrying his child. Tsktsk, how could he be so irresponsible, didnt he know that children's brains are like sponges, would he want the first sentence that the child speaks to be 'f*** ' ...that would be a laugh...but oh well...why am i being so nosy anyway,its actually none of my concern. I just think that if people were to be more peaceful and less aggressive, the world would be a much better place...

Woke up at 8.30am today..and I had to drag myself out of bed..this dutiful voice in my brain telling me to wake up cos I had to help out with housework around house. Ah well, 7hrs of sleep is the most I have gotten in a very long time..but CRASH..there I go again, banging my head when I bent down to pick something up..ouchh

Mum bought scones yesterday..so I had a very nice breakfast of scones and milk(no more coffee....for the time-being anyway).. After doing all the chores, which I did at an excruciatingly slow pace due to my brain still not in full-functioning mode. I had to remove the roots of the 'tau gay' which is, I think brussel sprouts, for our lunch of sambal seafood fried beehoon later for lunch. Apparently, removing the roots is just for aesthetic purposes, thus I saw no need to remove as it would all go down into our stomach anyway, but try telling that to mum...hahah...mmmm..can hardly wait.. I love mum's cooking and her fried beehoon is my all- time fave dish, other than the spaghetti, fried chicken wings and all that. I never eat fried beehoon outside as it is always too oily for my liking. Its great that mum and I are on such good terms now.. I would say pretty loving. I wonder why our relationship can be so extreme..like loving one moment...and being virtual strangers the next. Its a love-hate relationship...and I definitely hope this loving stage would last infinitely...

For now..I am off to take cooking lessons from the master chef....Lunch beckons....wheeeeee

Floating off to sleep now...on cloud nine...hahahah

I was wrong...I wasnt even a little nerve-wrecked at 11.55am. In fact, my insouciance surprised me, despite not being able to finish studying, I did not manage to study the last chapter. After all, I only started last nite. I did read through some of the main concepts and definitions in the 15mins before the test though, and was able to answer a few questions on that, though not sure if I was rite...And I didnt stay up as late as I had initially planned last nite. Wanted to take a 30mins nap at 12am, but woke up at 2am instead and my brain was too groggy to absorb anything anyway, thus I decided to heck it and go back to sleep. Woke up at 7am to study again. Went to school early and enscounced myself in a corner of the library to study. Was actually still feeling very tired and took a nap on the very comfortable couch I was on. I thought the quiz was alright, should be able to do better than the last one despite having lesser time to prepare for it. Amazing how a diff attitude could make such a big diff, even as I was mugging for the test, I wasnt feverishly scanning through my book as fast as I could, I took my own sweet time and even had time to day-dream a little...thats me, a dreamer.

Right now, I am feeling very happy and top of the world again, despite my sleep starved state, which has turned me into a temporary racoon and dare I say my cheekbones are more defined?? I was so high during lunch time and cracked so many lame jokes that yumin's eyeballs were constantly on the verge of dropping out and even the perpetually blurrr jul remarked on it. I couldnt stop laughing..guess my exuberant self is back... My exhaustion seems to have disappeared, must be the trip to orchard which perked me up, though I am proud to say I didnt buy anything,despite the many temptations lurking everywhere.

Don't know why,but lately, I seem to be clumsier than ever..I must have tripped at least 3 times today. Almost fell down the escalator,but thank goodness I gripped the handles in time and thus manage to avoid getting a bruised rear. And on the bus, I lost my balance many times and almost fell onto a lady who was very nice about it and told me to be careful. What with cutting myself, banging into railings, pillars.. I do wonder whats wrong with me..

At least marketing presentation is over for now..Now for my psych test..not feeling unduly worried about it..at least not until 11.55am tmr(test at 12)... What am I doing now rite, blogging when I should be studying for my test..oh well, All studying and no rest makes Teresa a die-hard mugger..which I am definitely not..anyway I need to let off some steam, and my blog is the place where I can do that.

Presentation was horrendous. Well, it was alright in the sense that it was predictable, boring, and at least I didnt mess up my points, though there were a good many points I didnt say, as I just wanted to get my part over and done with. I read straight off my highlighted notes, I don't know why, but my brain don't seem capable of functioning when I am in front of an audience..seriously, no joke..All I could do was read off my notes, and even then my voice was trembling even as I spoke. I would have died on the spot if anyone had raised a question, which thankfully no one did. I have this inherent, irrational fear of presentations. I wonder if its a phobia. I have had this problem for as long as I can remember. Thats why I never like to speak up in class, thats why I don't like to engage in debates, thats why I HATE presenting, thats why I always admire people who can speak well and can really bring across their points in a lucid manner...which a certain fren of mine named stephen can do very well...and thats why he is always the one forced by us to present in class despite his protests....muahaha. I wish I can as well though..guess it could be a psychological problem..shall analyse it one day...since i am doing the module...hahah..but seriousyl, I hate the way my mind just clam up...there would be so many other presentations in future, even when I am working. I have to overcome this particular shortfall of mine soon,fast..but I have no idea how..sigh...

Planning ahead for tmr after psych..Figured I need a break and a treat after the tough week I have had. Saw this reallie nice pink jacket at Esprit...price tag is nice too- $100...no joke..even with a 20% discount, it would still be pretty steep, and I have to keep reminding myself not to spend so much as my cash flow has stopped(no tuition...i lazy ah...next sem I def will...). But I have this burning itch to buy something, a nice skirt or nice top. But knowing myself, I can resist the urge, unless I see something nice that it ridiculously cheap..and what are the chances of that happening? The next mango sale...which i hate cos there are always tons of ppl queuing up and everything's in a mess and I can never find my size i want...so..hmm.....so for now,its back to studying..and stop day-dreaming

I am tired..really tired..and very very stressed. Presentations has that effect on me. Especially one that I am not very well prepared, and the internet is no souce of help and I know nuts about everything. I have a psych test to study for which I have not yet touched. Its times like this I feel like screaming, giving up..Feel like crying... Whats wrong with me..why don't I learn from past lessons.. I need a shoulder to cry on.... Perhaps its lack of sleep, perhaps its desperation, perhaps its helplessness... Is there anyway I can pass my test?

At every point of time in my life, I am constantly besieged with food cravings. When I crave for a particular food, I would eat it almost everyday until that cravings stops. I have been through Famous Amos, chocs,teddy grahams, bbq pork pastry, beard papa, scones,u name it... My latest one is cinnamon buns. I absolutely have no idea why, but I know that ever since I smelled the delicious smell of cinnamons wafting from the biz canteen(cinnamon roll), I have the craving for it almost everyday. I would look out for it everytime I walk past a bakery. For dinner today, I felt in need of something nice and warm..headed down to this bakery at great world city which i have never ever ventured into until recently and bought a chocolate chip cinnamon bun with cream cheese topping....ahhh..the ultimate comfort food after a long and hectic day. Delicious....Soft and fluffy bun filled with melted choc chips plus the cream cheese..it was absolutely sinful and I savoured every single bite with oomph...

And now, its back to mkting proj again... Hopefully will complete by midnite and then start on pysch.. Actually had a rather pleasant day..Theatre studies was fun for once and was pretty relaxing, except for the part where I had to act in front of a class. I was playing the role of an ex-taitai brought down by circumstances with a man who was going to rape me.. Instead of cowering and being frightened as I should, the leering look on my co-actor's face made me break out in peals of laughter. Thankfully i did not jumble up my words as I am prone to when I am very nervous and suffer from stage fright..as a whole, guess it when pretty well...

And I just found out today that the grilled fish sold in school isnt actually grilled. I saw the auntie take it out from the oil...and place it on the hot pan...eeks..Thats not very ethical, is that? labelling deep fried fish as grilled. What a cheat of my calories. Then it is actually no diff from fish and chips, is it not, but for the sauce that is drenched liberally on it.. So much for healthy living..and everytime I ate grilled fish, I felt so healthy....sigh...I feel so cheated.

Went to bed at 4am aftter almost completing the marketing report. At least I managed to stay up till that time. The last time I did that was when I was rushing for my thousand words ps essay last sem. At 4am in the morning, I was still feeling pretty hyper and top of the world, no doubt due to the encouragement I got from my frens....The little things do count. But I managed to fall into deep sleep pretty soon which ended only when I woke up at 8, by the aromatic smell of someone with great potential cooking, but I was wondering who that silly nutter was, cooking early in the morning...Oops, turned out to be my mother who was making some pork stew thingy for her friend, which I would get to eat also...hehe..

4 hours of quality sleep, a egg mayo sandwich and some latte later, I am raring to go again..sigh, guess it would be another marathon till 4am tonite..no, tmr morning. No joke, but hey... Be postitive, I can do it.. Feeling a teensy bit of unease in my gut now, been so preoccupied with proj that I have barely touched psych...dear me...

Gosh I can just forsee the remaining of this week being the toughest week of this semester. Have psych test on friday and marketing presentation on thurs. And my group members only met up once to divide the workload...*faints*....And i have to work damn hard if I want to do well for psych...and I mean study really hard, and make sure I know every single one of the numerous concepts like the back of my hand. Arghh...4 long chapters, just hope I can get thru the week.

Anyway i was thinking that I have been neglecting my secondary school friends. Remember that jane, samuel, dawa and I used to meet up for coffee once in a while, even in jc days when we were all studying in different schools. Jane in nyp, sam in cj, dawa in Vj and me in ac of course and we always had so many things to talk about. Dawa is in NUS arts now, but I seldom see him around, and even if i do, its just to say hi and they bye. Thus I was quite surprised to receive a call from him, to chit-chat, I mean, nowadays, no one calls me to chitchat anymore. Even in JC, yumin,jul, cindy and i were never the kind to call each other for chats. I do miss the days I could talk on the phone with Jane for hours though, nowadays we are both too busy and well, have our own lifes now. So when Dawa called me, I was busy multi-tasking, internet, open textbook,msn..u name it. Thus I was pretty brusque..well, not really brusque, but not exactly welcoming either. Conversation was stilted and I couldnt think of what other things to say after the niceties had been exchanged. He was the one initiating all the questions and i just went ah huh, yes,no..and was pretty mono-syllabic, think he caught me at a bad time. After 10 mins, the conversation ended, leaving me feeling...quite guilty. Its my fault I guess, didnt make the effort to make it work.

True frienships are rare and extremely valuable and they always said its not easy to make good friends in uni. Its so not true, I value the friendship I have with Kaetnians. Over time, I have known each and every single one of them better and seen all the innate qualities of them. Time has made us all become closer to each other, and I really treasure every moment spent together. All the secrets, laugher,joy we have shared, the support we have given one another just served to strengthen the bond. This is one friendship I am going to make damn sure will work. As for the other one, I just hope its not to late to repair it..

here is a pic of me taken using my samsung E600C. Been taking a lot of pics, and this one is so nice that I couldnt resist uploading it.. 

Men See You As Playful Men want a challenge and you are the perfect playmateYou know how to push men's buttons and attract a wide range of guysYou enjoy living and loving - it's one of your most attractive qualitiesMen are often consumed with desire for you, and you love that!How Do Men See You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

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Your Inner Muse is Thalia You are most like this playful muse of comedy. Life is all about laughter to you, and you're a natural comic. You make people laugh until their sides split. And you're always up for some play time! What Muse Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Just took some personality test...wonder how far true are they...

I had such a vivid dream last night
That everything would turn out fine
I was soo blissfully happy in the dream
That i never wanted to wake up from it
To the harsh reality of life


Sigh...only had 5 hrs of sleep again thanks to my two doggies howling their lungs out early in the morning at 7.30am...And then spent the whole morning ironing my clothes. Havent done it in ages, but I did derive a certain amount of satisfaction ironing the creases away...

Its impossible to get you out of my head
For you are always there
I just wish I can soothe your troubled brows
Hold you tight
And never let you go

Had a relaxing day today..Morning was chores time, cleaned up my room and other stuff around the house..The new maid would be coming in 2 weeks time...yay!!! That means mom won't be grumpy on saturdays and take it out on me anymore. Been enduring it today and glad that I managed to keep my cool.

Went to watch Hitch with Brennan in the afternoon. It is such a great movie, really hilarious and I almost laughed my ass off. Wouldnt mind watching it again. Will smith is such a great actor plus he is really good looking fellow too. Ate a lot of junk food today as both of us are junk food junkies. Havent eaten popcorn in ages, delicious, and both of us love popcorn, so it was great sharing. Normally I feel like such a glutton with other ppl cos they don't eat popcorn which I personally feel is quite abnormal, but then again, its just me... After that we went to coffee bean's and then I satisfied my craving for zinger burger at KFC finally. It was sooo crowded everywhere at taka today, even getting a table at KFC was hard. To sum it up, he was relaxing company and I felt really comfortable bitching with him, say about the lovey dovey couple feeding each other french fries who was sharing a table with us....yes..not as if they were alone or smth. We left quickly so that I wouldnt have to puke the contents of my dinner up. I left after dinner where he nice enough to wait for my bus with me where thereafter he went off to ps to catch another movie.. Lucky dude..while I am stuck here studying..or blogging..hehe

So yeah, after a day of relaxation, guess I would have to devote a few hours to my books....

Hero by Mariah Carey

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

CHORUS:
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In timeYou'll find the way

This is my all time favourite song, it never fails to give me cheer me up when I am down, give me hope when everything seems impossible, give me strength when I am weak...Its really a sentimental song to me and I feel nostalgic everytime I hear it on the radio.. Thanks to nice Shiang for sending it to me =) been repeating the song over and over again,but still not sick of listening to it. Lovely song....really reflects what I feel..

Phewwww!!! What a long long long long day...But surprisingly, I dont feel too tired, still have the brain cells to blog, though I didnt touch my homework since I sat down at my desk at 11pm.

Reached school at around 10am to write the report for our changing landscape, though to be fair, I dun feel like I did much. Merely hung around, decorating the place a bit, perhaps not even...sigh.. Supposedly had psych research pool at 12pm, but very intelligent me did not bring the notepad which was inside my pencil case which I did not bring to sch that day which contained the venue of the rp and the hp number of the person in charge. So silly of me...yes i know. Plus I skipped psych lect..and later on socie lect at 4pm..again supposedly because of the proj..but hey..i cant deceive myself..its not like they cant do without me...

Yes, whassup with me, undermining myself again when I swore I would be positive and all..I am outwardly positive..but all my doubts and inadequacies flood me inside. But still, I am pretty optimistic about things, say, you wont see me tearing out my hair just because I have a psych test next fri which once again I totally havent touched, and mkting proj which is going nowhere, or a whole set of untouched socie reading, or an almost untouched marketing textbook and what else??? Perhaps its just my 'bo-chapness' and not optimism. But then again, I DO care, so it could be that I know things would always work out in the end. I would still have to accept how things turn out in the end. Just like how I accepted my low cap score last sem. I just wish I would put in a little more effort..... Oh dear, there I go blabbering on and on incoherently again.

Anyway, went for steph's church care group held in sch. Really enjoyed myself for the folks were all very nice, down to earth and funny. I could really feel something during the worship.. I don't exactly know how to put it down in words but it was pretty awesome, and i learnt so many things today. It was very late by the time it ended, and a very angry mom called me while I was on the bus for being out till so late and not informing her( i swear I did, but u know moms)....Thus I anticipated a scolding when I got home..but surprisingly, she just gave me a short lecture, and since I was in a good mood, I grinned at her and instead of arguing with her, apologized and proceeded to soothe her ruffled feathers, which i did quite a good job of, and thus managed to prevent a major 'war' from breaking out, and for that, I am really thankful...

Just had a nice healthy lunch of instant noodles. I know, technically, instant noodles arent supposed to be healthy, but when you add lots of vegs and prawns and egg, it becomes somewhat more nutritious, and i love the flavour, thai tomyam...mmmmm...

Didnt go to sch after all today as the marketing project was cancelled...which is a major relief for me cos I didnt really prepare for it. Went to the gym early this morning to work out, get the blood flowing and hopefully feel more alert after that, I think I need the rush of endorphins that would come after a cardio workout, at least I hope 45 mins would do the trick. My supposedly 3 times weekly routine has dwindled to once a week and even then I have to push myself to go and would think of a thousand and one reasons not to...sigh..I am getting lazy. And I constantly feel tired. Take last night for example. I got home pretty late, and I was so tired(though I didnt do much except enjoy myself that day) decided to take a 20mins nap so that I could study till 2am. But when I woke up from the nap, my brain was still in the non-functioning mode and absolutely nothing could penetrate my thick skull. So I gave it up and went to bed, and had the best sleep I have had in the past 2 weeks.

Things has been going well so far and I am pretty contented by the way things has turned out, but I cant help thinking if there is more to come, or does it just stop here..hmm.. Oh well, take things as they come and be contented with what I have got. =)

Hopefully I can get a lot of things done today, my morning was totally wasted slacking away, and I went grocery shopping..Dunno why, but I have this idiosyncrasy of liking to go walk around Cold storage, it just gives me a kick...haha...and sigh, as usual I bought a lot of snacks..tsktsk..Oh but at least I have lost weight, I have absolutely no idea why as I didnt consciously go on a diet, or exercise more(which I definitely havent), but I sure hope I maintain that weight of 50kg. hehehe

Yipee!!! I finally passed my driving test...On the second attempt...if i didnt pass this time..i dun think I could have take it. I executed all my 'moves' in the circuit flawlessly, and when I was out of the main road, made sure I drove extremely safely, bearing in mind the reason I failed the previous time, so much so that the surly examiner berated me for being too slow. Whatever la...better to be safe than sorry. Let him think I am those type of lousy woman driver who hog the roads rather than being a fast and reckless driver. Who cares what men think anyway. At the end of the test, I was relieved that I didnt make any major blooper and well...was anticipating a pass already. But when he told me the news, I was so happy that I beamed radiantly at him, and I think he was quite taken aback...hahah...And I skipped all the way out, felt like jumping up and down like a little kid, but must maintain my decorum, I thought. So I sufficed with grinning widely like an idiot...which wasnt much better anyway...

Rushed back to sch for the remaining half and hour of marketing lect...sigh..why bother anyway. Could hear the giggles as I made my way to the seat. Couldnt care less, I was still feeling to euphoric.. The rest of the day passed normally as usual...Sooo boring,sigh, thats why I dont really feel like blogging much these days, cos I no longer feel the extremes of emotions, either extremely happy or supremely sad. Just feel pretty 'bo chap' nowadays, living live like a puppet. Who is my puppeteer, i wonder..

Having the same feeling of stress everytime I think of my rapidly piling up workload, which I have barely touched from the last time I spoke of it. I know, I am a hopeless case...but I am still trying.....trying to be less hopeless. Its so easy to give up, but I must not lose focus. But did I even have one in the first place? SIghhhhh

Coming down the escalator 

Our 'band' members 

At BK with Shiang in the background 

Sunday afternoon, Dad and I were at a hawker centre(contrary to popular belief, I DO eat at hawker centres). We decided to order fish slice noodles from a new stall. Good marketing strategy, I thought. Nicer and brighter stall sign as compared to the other stall, selling fish slice noodles as well. The food came..We tucked in eagerly.

Dad: This stall is not going to survive. The fish is not fresh.
Me: But I like the soup, its nice.
Dad:(Flaring up)Thats a lousy evaluation isnt it? How stupid.
Me: But I was not evaluating, I was only commenting. I was merely saying the soup is nice..thats all..
Dad: But thats stupid isnt it, talking about the soup.
Me: Yeah...yes..I am stupid. So what? (Few layers of semiotic significance behind this, first layer being that i have heard this before, its always the same type of argument. Second layer being, I am his daughter, if I am stupid, it means that he is stupid as well...end of story)
Dad: (Finally cracking a small smile) So you are stupid lor..

So...thats my Dad for you. Is it any wonder I have rather low self esteem? Not really...its a wonder I turned out the way I am, having this type of conversation every week.

Anyway..here are the some of the photos taken at Changi Airport as promised..Better late than never right..

Its such a cool night
Shrouded in total darkness
Taking time off to admire my surroundings
The breathtaking night view from my window
Into the bright lights twinkling in the distance
Hearing the distant rumble of an aerplane flying past
Just standing still and immersing myself in the quietness of the night
A peace comes over me
I am reminded of past memories
Fond memories that happened not too long ago
And that just brings a smile to my face
That continues through the night....

Was so super duper exhausted this morn. I guess it must be because of the 5/6 hrs of sleep I have been getting for the past 3 weeks, and I have been drinking coffee like nobody's business to keep me awake. Woke up at 8 feeling groggy, but unable to go back to sleep. But after breakfast, when I was supposed to do some work, I just knocked out flat for 30 mins before I had to get up reluctantly to go for class..

Had Ts prac, then driving lesson. Was feeling quite shacked out on the mrt. Dropped by Bugis junction for dinner on the way home and was distracted by shopping. Wonder how it miraculously perked me up from being a lifeless zombie to excited school girl...oohing and ahhing over everything(ok, not that bad la)

And now..here i am again, back to my previous lethargic state. Develeloping a headache too at the thought of my to-do list. Sighh....

I wish things were back to the way they were just before it all started
But whats done cannot be undone
Whats happened cannot be changed
I just have to accept it
Hard as it might be

But I guess it works both ways also
My fault I suppose
Was I trying to be coy
Definitely not, I am too transparent a person
to hide my feelings well

Whats good is that I no longer brood about it constantly
It doesnt make me feel that sad anymore
Though still somewhat...to a certain extent
Maybe the pain would dissipate after a while
Mostly I just wish that that awkardness would go away

I no longer know how to be myself
I am becoming quite adept at feigning
To be happy, to be cheerful
To keep that facade of joy
Though i am so messed up inside
And feeling so disillusioned



That was just a lousy attempt at poetry, not even poetry...just my random and fleeting thoughts. And I am not like that all the time..so please dun be alarmed... :)

Life is so fragile.. You never know when anything might happen. A loved one taken from your side...So we must learn to treasure everything that we have now and not to take things for granted. So show love and appreciation to your loved ones. Show that you care and never be shy to say you love them. Count life's every blessings and never grumble when it falls short of expectations for there are many ppl much much worse off.