Tomorrow is the start of Semester 2, and I have mixed feelings about that. Partly happy because I can get out of the house and see my friends regularly and well, have things to do intead of slacking around meaninglessly at home and partly sad because my idyllic life would end, that is no studying,no stress, no exam.... I guess its not really that idyllic as I feel so tired, lacklustre, unmotivated, its really a waste of time. Everytime I attempt to pick up a textbook to read, my eyes start to close and I doze off. But when I am doing other things, I am happily wide awake. I wonder when is this vicious cycle going to end. How can I be motivated and teeming with energy without the need of coffee to give me that unhealthy caffeine boost. I wonder....

I hope that this would not continue when sch starts, when I fall asleep instead of reading my readings, and come awake for msn at nite. I need a goal, a motivation, something that would jolt me everynow and then to remind me that university is only about enjoying life and not studying, its about gaining knowledge and applying that knowledge which I would put to use when I work in future, and not just a slip of paper stating that I am a degree holder.

Was watching the Ren Ci charity show, or rather, caught snippets of it. Saw the part where Bryan Wong had to park a car in a small space, without knocking down cardboard boxers which made up the enclosement. That really required lots of skills, practice and courage. He succeeded both times and in the last and most challenging one, he knocked down a few of the boxes, thus failing to succeed. His disappointment was so palpable and he was clearly so distraught. He was given another chance to perform the act...I was riveted to the screen. This time, he succeeded and he was jumping for joy when he came out of the car. At that moment, I felt his triumph at succeeding in what he had set out to do. As he emphasized, its not all about succeeding, but about trying your best. But whats trying your best when you don't succeed, and what is success and what is failure.... He had a goal--> to park the car in the lot without knocking down the boxes, in the name of charity, to raise money for charity, he had to succeed. And with that goal in mind, despite his initial failure, he perservered and succeeded. This is, but a small lesson in life, one which I hope would stay with me, to concentrate on the goal which I have set out for myself and be focused. There might be barriers on the way, I might fall down more than once, but with perseverance, I will reach the finishing line.

It seems like I am in a pensive and contemplative mood today and well, perhaps slacking too much does that to a person. But come what may, I hope that I would be able to pull thorough..