I realize that the things I have been blogging about lately have been pretty superficial, about what I eat, about where I go. Rarely do I blog about my personal thoughts anymore. I am too acutely aware of the many pairs of unknown eyes reading it, so most things are 'censored'. Reading through my recent entries, they sound so happy and carefree. But lately, I feel like I am a different person altogether, troubled and melancholic. So different from the person I want to be, and used to be and still hope I have it in me somewhere.. Happy, optimistic, outgoing, chatty and so on. I am so antisocial lately, since my lessons are mostly in the morning, I don't make an effort to call friends for lunch or just to hang out and sometimes I do feel like I am missing out.

I feel like the mr hyde in me is surfacing again, and the person who probably gets the brunt of it is steph. When things don't go my way,I realize I don't voice my unhappiness, I show it. In other words, to put it bluntly, I sulk, though I think most of the time I do it unconsciously. By sulking, I don't achieve anything but make myself more unhappy and others even more unhappy. I think that I am too prideful too, which is not good because there is the saying pride goes before a fall. If I want the relationship to work, we have to be totally honest about our feelings, and not be like me, an escapist...

Had a good time today. Met up with old sec sch buddies samuel and dawa at Kenny Rogers. They both looked exactly the same as last time, and we talked and laughed as before. I havent seen them in almost a year, guess its my fault. Like I said, I am antisocial..hahah. Went for church service after that, and thought today's message was very apt for me. It was about putting out heart and soul into what we have, what God has given us, instead of always looking at other people and envying them for what they have and we do not. Good grades, special talents...etc. Its apt because I have been feeling inadequate about many things lately and maybe thats one of the reasons why I have been so down. Looking at the people around me, seeing their achievments, their capability, I just feel so...yeah, inadequate. But I guess we shouldnt devalue what God has given us and just thank him for what He has blessed me with...

Dinner was at Out of the Pan with Kaetnians, celebrating 3 birthdays, but it felt more like a gathering more than a celebration, which is good, cos i havent seen most of them in ages. And we did have fun hanging out, I laughed more today than I have for the past few weeks and did I mention that I love the crepes there? After that, we were game enough to go Ah Teng's bakery for teh tarik and kopi tarik...all in all, I had a good time.

Back at home, I just suddenly got all teary and emotional. Guess the past week has been pretty trying, plus my highly sensitized emotions... Just hope that my happy self would be up and bouncin in no time..