The fat girl's guide to life? A book by Wendy Shankar

Fat, the forbidden word that all girls dread. I have been conscious of it for as long as I remember, and being not a small eater, and being mindful of keeping my figure, I have always been a regular gym-goer. And by regular, I mean twice a week, around 50mins per session. Being surrounded by small sized, petite girls who are small eaters have made me especially self-conscious. I try not to compare, and also console myself that I am justified by my taller than average height. Most of the time, I am pretty confident. There is nothing wrong with a little fat around the tummy, it can even be a little sexy, think Sarah Jessica Parker in Sex and the City(which i am addicted to), her figure is just fabulous, and that barely there, but still noticeable tummy fat just makes her more human.

So like I said, I am fairly confident most of the time, I like to think of myself as being a full-figured woman(read big butt and hips) ;) Do guys really want stick thin girls with no figure whatsoever. However, this confidence was shattered when Hp and mum said I was fat. Well, fatter than last time anyway, bigger around the hips. Its not surprising after all, since steph and I err, like to indulge ourselves. Oh, but the unfairness of it all, I go gym every week, and other girls don't(not the ones I know anyway). Why, despite so many years of battling with it, am I still battling with the fat monster?

Why should I care what other people think as long as I know I look good. Do I really have to conform to society's idea of beauty which is to be thin to be happy? And I kid you not, look at all the models in magazines, looks at all the slimming ads out there, all the anorexic looking celebrities, sending such a clear message to people, that thin is in(fat is out). Leading to a rise in eating disorders cos people are under such pressures to look good.

I have been trying, really.. making sandwiches to school, self-fried omelette with ham, cheese and romaine lettuce. And I do enjoy eating them too, and it sure beats queing up for food at the deck. One week into this sandwich eating regime, I think to myself, I really shouldnt listen to what other people say. Ultimately, its my own body and I should love it. Life is so short, I should eat whatever I want and not spend my whole life hankering after a body shape that I can never achieve. I am built like that, and that is that. And the guy who loves me should love me for who I am, not how I look like. Its a harsh world out there though, where people judge each other first and foremost by appearance. So I am not saying i will just let myself go..hahah..no matter what I say, I will always still want to look good.

So as I am writing this, almost defiantly, I am eating tim-tams too, a long forgotten indulgence. Ahhh, all the chocolate melting in the mouth in a blissful symphony. This is daaa life!!! So who needs fat girl's guide to life? My own most important rule: love thyself

ps: I shall start wearing more mini-skirts..heh, my legs are my one and only asset

For the prize is valued and the hunter is humbled...

Words from a long time ago coming back to haunt me now, how time flies..and how true is that?

I am so so so tired of this semester. I just wish it is over and done with as soon as possible. Its been a super duper hectic sem to say the least, so much so that I didnt have much time to blog, and anyway sometimes I can't be bothered to. But there are times when you just need an outlet for letting out steam, especially as there arent any other outlets, everyone else are busy with their own stuff.

I am so tired of projs. I have a sucky proj group where everyone else seems so 'nua' and I feel that I am doing all the work, and no one appreciates it anyway. I have a 1800 word essay on gaming which I know nuts about, which I am feeling stressed over. I am stressed that I havent started preparing for exams yet and the very first paper is in 3 weeks and I am still at a lost at whats is going on, especially since the lecture is on fri mornings at 10am and I usually spend the first hour staring into space, and the lecturer isn't exactly interesting. And my exam timetable is super packed. I end exam in a week, how packed is that?

I know you are stressed, so am I too. I try to be understanding, but its not easy when I need encouragment too, I need someone to cheer me up, its no good being moody together. Sighh, sometimes I just want to cry..why is it so hard??

Is the sun going to come up soon? I need sunshine

If we hold on together

This is a very special song which I first heard back when I was in secondary school and which touched my heart. Many years later, this songs still brings a tear to my eye, especially when you sing it to a very special person.

If we hold on together
Diano Ross

Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away

Live believing, dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story, faith, hope and glory
Hold to the truth in your heart

(Chorus)
If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by for you and I

Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end

Valley, mountain, there is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying, someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay

(Chorus)

When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts, everyone

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by for you and I

Yahoo sucks. After years of being a faithful yahoo user. They deactivated my account for no apparent reason at all, and didnt even have the courtesy to tell me, or the reason for that happening. And the worst is, all my important emails are lost and I am left hanging in the air because all my contacts are gone. And the stupid yahoo help page isnt of any help at all, and there isnnt even a button I can click on to contact them. All I have gotten so far are automated replies which is soo bloody irritating. I have almost given up already..sigh

If anyone out there has any idea what I can do about it, your help would be much appreciated =)

I made scrambled eggs today, for the first time in my entire life, and I did it without the help of recipe books. I have steamed it, fried it, boiled it, but never scrambled it, and its by far the easiest and quickest method. I was in need for a little comfort food though. Sometimes, life just simply sucks..sigh.

So what I did was to beat an egg in a bowl, pour in milk(by agaration), pinch of salt, a little pepper. Heat up the pan, throw in a dollop of butter. Pour in the egg mixture, let it stand for 20 seconds before stirring it, and get it out of the heat when it starts to solidify, but still looks moist. And voila, there I had it, soft, fluffy and piping hot scrambled eggs which disappeared into my mouth as fast as I could, accompanied with a slice of bread.

Thats not all, I slathered another slice of bread with butter, topped with a teaspoon of brown sugar and a sprinkling of cinnamon, and there I had it, another comfort food. All prepared an eaten within 15mins, and made me much happier too.

Who said that good food has to be expensive and elaborate. Sometimes, even the simplest things can bring much pleasure. Just slowly enjoying things instead of rushing and stressing...

I havent blogged in so long that I have so many things to say but no idea where to start. Its been one hell of a week, with presentation(which is the worst), faciliation and project meetings, tons of homework and so on. But hey, I dunno why I am complaining, its part and parcel of student life I suppose, and we have to go through it every semester. But it seems to me that we can never get used to it. Oh well, I am just glad its over, I hope it is the worst of it, though somewhere at the back of my mind, a little voice is reminding me that I still have lots of readings to catch up on, 3 projs, 2 essays..and goodness knows what else. But anyway, I shant think of all these for now. Shall think of the highlights of the past 2 weeks that I havent been blogging.

Highlight number 1:
I went to the Asian Aerospace with Steph, it was actually my vday present to him since he is such a aeroplane enthusiast. It was sunny, it was crowded, it was not really my idea of spending a super sunny saturday. I got sunburnt, and uneven tanlines from the shirt which I would not go into how stupid I was not to wear a spag strap or smth. But it was all worth it, to put that smile on his face and to know that I have made him a very happy man, for that saturday at least. As always, I was impressed by his knowledge of aeroplanes, and his deep passion for it. And it was all that bad, I got to see the flying display and also the new A380 which was incredible. The day ended with a trip to changi airport and dinner at Popeye's, since we were in the vicinity anyway.

Highlight number 2:
Tea at Fosters. After walking past it a million times and wondering when I would ever get a change to go in, I finally did, last wednesday with Brennan. Which was good cos it was a much needed midweek treat in the middle of a tough week. And man, was I blown away. The highlight for me was actually the devonshire cream tea set which consisted of 2 freshly baked scones, 2 mini sandwichs, a slice of banana walnut cake, and tea of course. It als came with butter, cream and jam, and at the price of $9, it was pretty reasonable. And I so loved the warm, buttery scones which were crispy on the outside, and moist on the inside. And anyone who knows me knows that I have a love affair with scones. And I also discovered that you can also order just the scones, 3 at the price of only $4.50, how cool is that. Its a definite must try. Tucked away in a sleepy corner of holland village, the ambience is lovely too, and if its a cool day, you can opt to sit outside, al fresco style.

Highlight number 3:
I was invited to a friend's 21st birthday tea which consisted of 21 ppl, so I was quite honoured to be one of the priviledged few. And the them was 1960s style, so I spent some time worrying over what to wear before decided on a white dress that I had bought recently, but havent had the occasion to wear, paired it with a sash plus huge hoop earrings, and pointed shoes that caused me grief the whole time I was wearing it. I went with Steph who was dressed a la 1960s' style too. The food was great too, with mini fruit tarts, scones, sandwiches, shepherd's pie, a paellic shaped mashed potato, cheesecake, cookies(contributed by me), sausages, and a huge bowl of fruits right in the middle, with luscious looking strawberries, mangoes and grapes. It was indeed an enjoyable afternoon.

Highlight number 4:
I had dinner with Dad and aunt aubrey at Buckaroo BBQ and Grill. I can never resist blogging about good food, and the food was definitely superb. The only downside is that it is practically only accessible by car, located off Sembawang road. First up was deep fried mushroom, which is really nothing out of the ordinary, but the batter was so light and crispy, the mushroom so juicy and the accompanying tatare sauce complemented it so well that every bite was so totally out of this world. Next up was mushroom soup served in a bread bowl. The soup was thick and flavorful, with generous chunks of mushroom bits threw in. I was already half full by the second course. I ordered pan fried salmon for my main course, after dithering between it and the fish & chips(which looked irresistable), but I opted for the healthier though alas less satisfying salmon, which was a bit lacking in flavour, but was fresh and juicy, just the way it should be. The accompanying garlic butter sauce made up for the taste though. Dad ordered the rib-eye steak which came in a humongous portion(to me), which was very juicy and tasty. It came with a side of huge slab of mashed potato with yummy mushroom sauce and caesar salad. We also had a glass of magarita each. They had a wide range of flavours to choose from- blueberry, raspberry, peach, lime, strawberry and even banana. The peach one that I tried was certainly fantastic, thick and sweet, and the alcohol strong enough to make me go weak-kneed.

Yup, it was certainly a food-filled weekend, not that I am complaining though ;)

The bday girl, me, yingling and charmaine

Steph and I a la 1960's style

A380 in motion

Me and steph, with the A380 behind us..

After a lovely weekend of relaxing and pigging out, its time to start work again. On sunday after service, we went to carl's junior with the cg, come the huge onion rings, huge crinkle fries and huge burger, but me and steph shared, so it wasnt too bad. After that, we headed to Ah Chew's dessert and Liang Seah st cos I was craving for almond cream. As if that wasnt enough, we went Mac's and shared a chicken fantastic(which I lovvve), nuggets and milkshake. Oh, the sinfulness of it all...oh well, I went to the gym for a 5km run, so it wasnt too bad. Anyway the coming week would be filled with projects to do, tests to study for and essay to right, so I will be literally piled under with work...sigh, not much of a break there. Oh well.

Anyway, do tell me what you think of me by visiting here =)

I was supposed to blog about Valentine's day, but as I was sick yesterday, with a test today, I had no opportunity to at all, so well, its still not too late. It was a bummer that I was sick yesterday, with flu and headache and nausea, where I slept the whole day away it was amazing that I even managed to study at night, but I made an amazing recovery today, with His Grace. How did I know I recovered, well, my appetite returned to normal...hahah..ate from the indonesian stall at engine canteen, grilled chicken drumstick with curry drenched rice and fiery sambal chilli, where just the day before, the mere thought of food made my stomach turn...

Anyway, Valentine's day was really wonderful, in all sense of the word, though I only got to see my date at night as he had lessons, my whole day was activity packed. I baked in the morning, no surprises there..hahah..I attempted to try something new, in view that it was valentine's day and I wanted to bake something special for a special someone. And recently, I tried this cookie at Spinelli's called the Mexican Wedding Cookie which I absolutely loved, so I decided to try to make that, with a twist, by adding hershey's kisses inside. Interesting right? Well, not so. What was supposed to turn up round became a volano shaped cookie, replete with a black tip(from the kisses), which reminded me somewhat of a part of the female anatomy. Anyway, it happened that Steph liked it better than my other cookies(which I baked as well), so its all for the good. Apart from volcano cookies, a nice name we came up with was hersheys titties...muahah.

Anyway, I sidetracked a little, after baking, I rushed off to Din Tai Feng to meet my aunt and cecilia, colin and baby charlotte who was looking cheruby as usual. Lunch was fantastic, as was the xiao long bao, I literally slurped the soup up. After that, we just walked about at Takashimay, and after that had 'tea' at coffee club. It was just great to be able to hang out with my relatives, whom I seldom see, and especially Dayi, who dotes on me, more than my own mom I much say.

I reached home around evening time, just nice to 'pretty' myself up for my hot date at night, which i was looking forward to with much anticipation, and i was definitely not disappointed, felt very touched by the effort that he put in to it. Well, its true that Vday is very much commercialized, and so over hyped that it kinds of loses its meanings, where restaurants charge a bomb, roses cost a bomb, and suddenly cute-sy little gifts just sprouts up from everywhere that it is sort of an eye-sore. Its also true that you don't need Vday just to show your love, but oh well, I still look forward to it all the same, much like a little kid looks forward to christmas.

He surprised me with a bouquet of roses, I honestly wasnt expecting any, so it was all the more lovely, when you least expect it, and whisked me away to Clark Quay for dinner, and he was so mysterious about where he was bringing me. The place was fuly booked, and as we were late, his reservation was cancelled, so while waiting, we asked a guy selling flowers to take a picture for us. Finally, we got to go in, its called Cafe Iguana, and a Mexican Restaurant cum bar, and I was really really surprised that we went there, cos it was so un-stephen..hahah..with lots of expatriates and kind of loud and noisy, but I loved it, especially the food, which came with condiments. I ordered a burrito, and steph ordered the Fajita. We both ordered a drink each, mine was like a dessert drink, with Tequila, Kahlua and cream. To check out the website, it is at http://www.cafeiguana.com. The night was still not over yet, neither was the surprise. We took a long nostalgic walk back home by the river, and sat down, and thats when he sprang the last surprise on me, this lovely lovely frock that I saw 2 weeks ago at Isetan with him, but didnt buy. I was so thrilled with it, and also amazed that he remembered the design and all..

Amazing nite, its wonderful how far people would go to for those they love, I am simply blessed..

Me at Cafe Iguana 

Our drinks 

My favourite picture  

My burrito 

I feel like I am up to my neck with work now. Feeling the stress level rising as I contemplate my unread readings, essays, projects and midterm tests. Not like I have been idling, I swear I haven't, but sometimes I just wonder where the times has gone to. And some readings are so 'cheem' that they take ages to penetrate my thick skull. But I refuse to stress myself out. And I have been drinking more coffee again lately too, after cutting it from my diet during the holidays. One cuppa daily is the bare minimum, if not I would feel all stoned and well,stoned. Haha. Nothing beats making my own coffee at home, now that I have my very own milk frother, I can make cafe latte, with all the foam on top which I love. Plus some milo to make it into mocha. Its almost become my daily treat.


The week has been good so far, went to julia's room at pgp for some gossip, wished I could have stayed longer though,its so lovely bonding and sharing girly stuff. And on Tues, I went to do my hair, so now, I look like this...

Its a whole new look for me. I was partly convinced by the hair stylist to try something new, and also because I wanted wavy curls for a change. I rather liked this new look, and so did steph who kept laughing at me when he saw me, which made me very self conscious..hahah. And this is how it looks from the back. After doing the hair, steph and I headed to Maxwell market for some fish porridge which came in a huge bowl and was DELICIOUS.

Thats all for now, bed beckons. Super duper long day tmr. With lessons starting at 9am all the way till 2pm, and then faciliation after that to 5.30.

Looking back at my previous two entries, it is so totally incoherent and nonsensical. And I have been so totally not myself the past two days that I affected the people I loved around me. I learnt a very important lesson of communication. I had such a heavy weight inside my heart which I could not confide in anyone about, and as a result, it took a toll on my mood and I became more short tempered and snappy, which was scary cos it made me a totally different person.

But thankfully, it has been resolved, and I feel lighter now that I have chosen to share it, though it took a mighty long time to pry it out of me, but I am glad that he has been so patient with me. Had he left me alone to sulk in 'peace', the anger might have festered and be directed at him for failing to show love and concern, so totally irrational I know, but feelings cant be helped I guess.

Thank you for loving me...

Today hasnt been the best of days
Filled with emotions to the max
Mixture of anger, hurt, sadness
Due to multiple reasons
A culmination of everything
False smiles, fake laughters
To the point when I didnt want to pretend anymore
Contemplating insanely cowardly acts
I am tired of being nice
I just hope I havent lost a dear friend
But sometimes I wonder whether our friendship means anything
Today seems like black wednesday
When everything seems so bleak
The entire day
I am tired
Maybe a good sleep would make it all better
And my sanity would return tomorrow
So many more things I want to say
So many more things that cant be said